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The Benefits Of A Break-Up Service

Illustration for article titled The Benefits Of A Break-Up Service

Even though the business in this high-concept Adidas ad — a break-up service — doesn't actually exist, maybe it should. The commercial features a character named Akira, who races around Tokyo on a scooter informing people that they've been dumped, and why. "I finish relationships that have died," Akira explains. He looks those who have been ditched right in the eye and gives them clear reasons for the split ("Tipsy fiance, your love was too vague, and I didn't like it."). Seriously: Where was this guy the last time I got dumped?


Breakups are so stunningly painful your body, mind, soul and heart go into shock. But even worse is when the dumper has trouble expressing why he or she is breaking up with you. Even if what is said is ultimately true ("It's not you, it's me"), it sounds so fucking vague and meaningless, you're left pulling your hair and crying, why, why? Somehow having a calm person, an impartial third party who can filter the information seems like a good idea. Except for the part where you end up throwing stuff at him.

Plus! There would be benefits for the dumpers, too: Being forced to write down your reasons for ending a relationship insures that you actually find the words and articulate your desires, disappointments and issues. Being the one who does the dumping is incredibly hard: You actually have to take action and make a terrible impact on someone's life. Maybe some would find using a third party cowardly or selfish, but when something as delicate as the heart is involved, shouldn't a professional be called in?


'Heavy-Handed Wife... I'm Dumping You!' [AdRants]

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sarah.of.a.lesser.god (aka Mrs. BrutallyHonestHobbit)

Your body, mind, soul and heart go into shock

Yeah, this post actually has me in tears, coming two-and-a-half days on the heels of being dumped. (62 hours, but who's counting?)

This service should exist. With really, really hot guys so you can immediately have rebound sex. Why couldn't Jake Gyllenhaal have delivered my break-up?