We were never quite sure what Joan Rivers meant when she said that inside the mind of every stand-up comedian lurked an "angry white man." But an ode to the angry white man circulating around the internet written by Aspen Times Weekly columnist Gary Hubbell, is definitely unintentionally hilarious! "He might have Cherokee, Mexican, or Puerto Rican mixed in, but he considers himself a white American," he writes. "His common traits are that he isn't looking for anything from anyone — just the promise to be able to make his own way on a level playing field," he writes. (Um, assuming our corner of the world stays more level than others?) And: "The victimhood syndrome buzzwords — 'disenfranchised,' 'marginalized' and 'voiceless' — don't resonate with him." Maybe because he's white? "When Al Sharpton comes on TV, leading some rally for reparations for slavery or some such nonsense, he bites his tongue and he remembers." He remembers...how awesome it was to own slave? Best part: "He knows that his wife is more emotional than rational." Bet it won't take much more to get you worked up into a hopelessly irrational emotional state!

The Angry White Man loathes Hillary Clinton. Her voice reminds him of a shovel scraping a rock. He recoils at the mere sight of her on television. Her very image disgusts him, and he cannot fathom why anyone would want her as their leader.

(OMG he said "fathom.")

Anyway...do with this what you will. The Stabby Feminazi Bonerkiller Creative Underclasswomyn don't have it in me today. Maybe because the things he gets worked up about — paying for his kids' braces? talking to customer service representatives with funny accents? — seem so minor and petty that it's sort of, like, irrational and emotional to actually be "angry" about them?

In Election 2008, Don't Forget The Angry White Man [Aspen Times]