We'll never understand why the marketing execs at fast-food conglomerates like Yum Brands and Riese Restaurants think that Americans want their calorie-laden, fat-filled chalupas, fried chicken and donuts under the same grease-splattered roof. Seriously! Who decided that Taco Bell, KFC and Pizza Hut belong in the same 700 square-foot space? It's overkill, it's disgusting, and it's the very reason we don't much like cheeseburgers with bacon: Too many essentially unhealthy things (dairy, beef, pork) in too-close quarters.

Well there seems to be a similar problem among American fashion and accessories designers, specifically handbag-pornographers Lamberston-Truex. Idly flipping through Bergdorf Goodman's "Fall Preview 2007" magalog โ€” freshly arrived in our mailbox yesterday! โ€” we came across the following monstrosity: A $8,600, limited-edition handbag made of the skins of crocodile, ostrich, and lizard. Now far be it from us to rail against the use of animals for food or fashion โ€” most of us do wear leather and enjoy eating the flesh of cute, four-legged ungulates โ€” but there's something especially shameless and gluttonous (not to mention arrogant) about a bag that requires the deaths of no less than three different types of living creatures; something shameless and gluttonous that is distinctly, well, American. Much like a bacon cheeseburger. Or, uh, the idea that this country can fight three wars at once!

Lambertson Truex