Thanks a Fucking Lot, Maureen Dowd: Colorado Considers Pot Edibles Ban

Health officials in the state of Colorado have recommended outlawing edible pot products in the state. I’m choosing to place 100% of the blame for this on the famously un-chill Maureen Dowd.

According to USNews, new rules proposed Monday by the State Department of Public Health would outlaw the sale of pot-laced cookies, brownies, candy bars, sodas, “and other novelty items.” It wouldn’t ban the sale of pot lozengesor tinctures that gourmet potheads can add to food or drink (and thank goodness; an eye dropper of liquid pot tastes pretty A+ in a hoppy beer like an IPA). But it would prove a pain in the ass to marijuana retailers.

Health officials say the reasoning behind the ban isn’t protecting the health of adult marijuana novices from self-inflicted pot brownie freakouts; it’s keeping kids safe from accidentally ingesting Dowd-levels of pot candy.

“Considering only the public health perspective … edibles pose a definite risk to children, and that’s why we recommended limiting marijuana-infused products to tinctures and lozenges,” [health department Executive Director and Chief Medical Officer Larry] Wolk said. “[The recommendation] does not account for the dynamics of the black market or the guidelines set forward by Amendment 64.”

Lucky for those Coloradans who prefer a body high, proponents of legal marijuana say that it’s unlikely the recommended ban would actually survive legal muster.

Thankfully, the American dream of spending a vacation high as hell in the hotel that inspired Stephen King’s The Shining isn’t over before it even began.