"Thank God Women Are Not Lazy, Negligent Assholes When It Comes To Voting"

Please give a warm welcome to Crappy Hour regular and former Wonkette editor Megan "Anonymous Lobbyist" Carpentier! Today, Megan will be filling in for Jezebel's favorite rabblerouser, Moe Tkacik, who is a bit under the weather (although she was able to rally enough to engage in everyone's favorite IM exchange on current events). After the jump, Megan and Moe take on this weekend's NY Times magazine feature ,'16 Ways Of Looking At A Female Voter', and discover that, well, it doesn't always take a man to traffic in broad generalizations about women.

In this, the Year of the Woman (except for all those pesky contractors getting raped and pregnant women getting murdered by their baby daddies and wives disappearing in Ohio whose husbands use it to catapult themselves into "celebrity" status), politicos, pollsters, pundits and, probably, pederasts have tried to figure out how having a woman running for President will affect women voters. Well, Moe and I have noticed that maybe we're not exactly like other women, or maybe they're not like us? Or maybe we're all unique individuals or something? Nah, it must just be that women voters are all alike. Because we're totally like these women.

MOE: hey i have an idea
MEGAN: cool
MOE: we can take that 16 ways of looking at the female voter story from the New York Times
and each just summarize each 16 ways in a pithy sentence
MEGAN: It might have been much more difficult to make 16 less-than-pithy statements into an article for the NY Times Magazine
MOE: like
1. Women cry more than men.
2. Women tend to support candidates who do not equate abortion with murder
3. Some women are more equal than others
MEGAN: 4. Not enough women vote woman-y enough to make a difference.
5. Woman don't like to be categorized
6. Women on the average supposedly have better things to pay attention to.
MOE: 7. Women are stupid and/or ignorant and/or incurious
8. That is because people on TV talking about serious issues foreign nations etc. etc. don't have pretty hair and/or makeup
MEGAN: 8. And they're always men
MOE: 9. The enemy of the candidate with pretty/hair makeup is NOT their friend
or conversely, the enemy of the pundit w/o pretty hair/makeup IS their friend.
10. Never mind we take that back
MEGAN: 9. Also, We don't really like taking our information spoon-fed by men.
10. Woman won't necessarily vote for women. Maybe because we're not all Democrats.
MOE: 11. pretty hair and/or makeup is not enough
12. Hillary Clinton would probs be too smart to receive head from an intern
MEGAN: 12. Also, no one votes for issues, they just vote for who they think they like.
13. People like getting along with their friends.
MOE: 13. blah blah book clubs
14. blah blah theknot.com
15. Conservatives bitching about us slutty, amoral singletons makes us vote for the other people. It sorta makes smug marrieds feel a little more smug.
MOE: 15. I know this sounds TOTALLY CRAZY, but some women — crazy, right? — don't actually think it's totally irrational to judge a candidate on the basis of a complex collection of variables that you might mistake for something nebulous and fuzzy like "character" or "personality"
MEGAN: 16. Men like politics and women think it affects it them.
MOE: 16. Thank god women are not lazy negligent assholes like men when it comes to voting
MEGAN: Or else the government would be for shit. Oh, wait, um.

16 Ways Of Looking At A Female Voter [NY Times]

Share This Story

Get our newsletter