Here is a map that is the only map you will ever need ever again in your entire map. Delete all your Google Map links, burn all your Rand McNally maps and take that stupid globe and chuck it in the dumpsters. Because none of those maps include goats and are therefor entirely irrelevant.
From the USDA Agricultural Census via Washington Post via the fevered dreams of every singing goat YouTube video creator ever comes this magnificent look at the 2,621,514 in the United States of America. The point of this map is we fucking love goats. As the Post points out, goats are having a huge moment, especially on the Internet right now.
But you already knew that because you've been on the Internet a few times. The bigger question is where do true patriotic Americans love goats the most?
America's goat population is heavily concentrated in the Southwest, Texas in particular. Nearly 80 percent of America's goats are raised for meat. Sixteen percent are raised for milk, with the remaining 6 percent is comprised of Angora goats raised for mohair.
You'll find commercial goat farms operating in 2,996 of the country's 3,143 counties. Of the top ten goat-producing counties, 8 are in Texas and two are in Arizona. In Sutton County, Texas, goats outnumber people 14-to-1. In Edwards County, also in Texas, the ratio is 22-to-1. All in all, goats outnumber people in 21 U.S. counties, all but one of which are in Texas.
That's right, y'all. Motherfucking Texas. We show true goat pride here in the Lonestar state.
Some of you might be tempted to wonder if goats are poised to become the new cats of the Internet. Don't be a goddamn fool. Remember—giraffes tried to usurp cats not too long ago as the beloved meme of the Internets. Ask yourself when the last time you saw a giraffe on the Internet (or anywhere) was? That's right. Cats dealt with that shit. Be careful, goats. You don't want to end up like the giraffes.
Image via USDA/Washington Post.