Teresa Giudice to Aunt Becky: Prison is Fine!

Graphic: Joan Summers/Jezebel, Photo: Getty

When I woke this morning a bird was gently chirping a song outside. A soft rain lapped at my window, and a gentle breeze thrummed through the trees around my yard. Still tired, with the weight of an exceedingly long week crushing me into my mattress, I rolled over and quietly scrolled through my push notifications. I lost myself in the blur of news items and rainfall, birdsong the only thing maintaining my grip on consciousness. And then I saw it. A small blurb, easily missed in the impeachment news: “Teresa Giudice Gives Advice to Lori Loughlin as She Faces Prison in College Admissions Scandal.” I sighed, relief and vigor and excitement coursing through me. God is real, and it is gonna be a good fucking Friday.

Isn’t it fascinating that in 2019, a growing genre of tabloid-famous rich women includes those indicted on federal fraud charges? Like Teresa Giudice and Aunt Becky, who’s probably going to prison! While speaking with ET late Thursday night, Teresa gave some unsolicited advice to her spiritual bunkmate. “Women are strong. We have babies, we do it all. I’m sure whatever the outcome is, I’m sure she’ll be fine with it.” She continued, addressing Loughlin’s daughters:

“Her daughters are older… You know, she did it for her daughters and, I mean, her daughters are grateful for what she did. She was just looking out for her daughters and trying to get them into a good school. But I guess that’s it, just be open with them, and whatever the outcome is, it is. You have to deal with it and move forward.”

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If the press concerning Olivia Jade and Isabella Rose is to be believed, grateful isn’t the operative word here. But it’s also illuminating how, in trying to relate to Loughlin, Teresa reveals how she’s justified her and her husband’s crimes, and their time in prison. However, what I really want to know is if Loughlin will respond, ever, to any of the many, many, many things written about her. The year is almost finished! Will Good Morning America get the exclusive? Personally, I think her statement will be delivered via streaming service. Or, it will be a memoir that gets optioned to Fox Searchlight. But I’m open to other guesses! [ET]


A list of dinners I would like to be present for: The one between me and whatever I am eating tonight. A list of dinners that will haunt me, who’s secrets should never be revealed, lest they rend the mortal plane in two: Meghan Markle and Hillary Clinton’s supper at Frogmore Cottage.

People reports, per the Daily Mail, chronic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton joined the Duchess of Sussex in Windsor Tuesday, where they “shared a hug before spending the afternoon together.” A source claimed: “Both women have a lot of admiration for each other and it was a very sweet, warm meeting. They are mutual fangirls!” World leaders and diplomats: fangirls!

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Here’s the real doozy—Sources also claim that Markle wrote a letter to Clinton as a child about a dish detergent commercial she saw as sexist. This isn’t necessarily an outlandish claim, but it does fit conveniently in the narrative around Clinton and this book. Do you think the source is Clinton’s team, and they worked together with Markle to come up with a feel-good story? (It sure sounds like it!) [People]


Um...does...Millie Bobby Brown....look...different?

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  • Everyone looked good at the Queen & Slim premiere. [Just Jared]
  • Kyle Richards joined the contingent of rich women who hand big checks to poor people. [The Blast]
  • Hailey Bieber and Kendall Jenner worked out together. [Hollywood Life]
  • What do you think Scarlett Johansson thinks is her worst hairstyle ever? [People]
  • Whoever fucking called the cops on Lil’ Kim: Show yourself! [Page Six]

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