Teen Boys Love Implants Almost As Much As They Hate Period Bloods, Reports Cosmo Girl!

Illustration for article titled Teen Boys Love Implants Almost As Much As They Hate Period Bloods, Reports iCosmo Girl!/i

OMG the Heidi Montag issue of Cosmo Girl! keeps giving, like a full heaving bosom full of saline and strawberry Quik. And like, where would a Heidi Montag-lionizing issue be without a story on breast implants? Specifically, how boys your age really feel about them. The magazine finds seven guys to dish. "I consider myself a boob guy over a butt guy, so obviously I'd prefer bigger boobs," says 22-year-old Jay of Syracuse. But Brad, 19, of Philadelphia, feels differently! "I'd definitely date a girl with fake breasts," he says, "as long as they weren't too big." Elaborates Joe, 20, of Hawthorne, N.J.: silicone knockers that are "proportional" are okay, but only if they "help her" to "hold herself with just the right amount of self-confidence." Which is to say, not too much. Because there are all sorts of little reasons he might dump you anyway: among them, "Period Talk."

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Nothing grosses a guy out quite like period talk. The tampons and panty liners — it's all so foreign to us. Plus, it puts a rather messy picture in our head.

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FINE, fucktards, why don't we sit around and talk about what it's like to get a cut around half the circumference of your tit so a surgeon can stretch it open, shove a plastic falsie inside and pump it full of saline?

P.S., males of Generation X: thank you, if only for enduring puberty several years before the technological heyday of internet porn.

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DISCUSSION

the-unicorn-old
The Unicorn

how sad is it that it's a badge of honor for a man to even be willing to touch — nay, purchase! — a box of menstrual products? I mean, I'm definitely willing to give the considerate men mentioned above their props, but it's kinda pathetic that so many other dudes out there set the bar so low.

I honestly can't imagine becoming close friends with — let alone dating — someone who couldn't handle me occasionally bitching about being on the rag. that shit was barely tolerable when I was sixteen, & anymore it just seems like the most juvenile form of sexism around.

...jumping on this topic because implicitly encouraging teenage girls to get fake tits? I don't even have the words to express how wrong that is.