OMG the Heidi Montag issue of Cosmo Girl! keeps giving, like a full heaving bosom full of saline and strawberry Quik. And like, where would a Heidi Montag-lionizing issue be without a story on breast implants? Specifically, how boys your age really feel about them. The magazine finds seven guys to dish. "I consider myself a boob guy over a butt guy, so obviously I'd prefer bigger boobs," says 22-year-old Jay of Syracuse. But Brad, 19, of Philadelphia, feels differently! "I'd definitely date a girl with fake breasts," he says, "as long as they weren't too big." Elaborates Joe, 20, of Hawthorne, N.J.: silicone knockers that are "proportional" are okay, but only if they "help her" to "hold herself with just the right amount of self-confidence." Which is to say, not too much. Because there are all sorts of little reasons he might dump you anyway: among them, "Period Talk."
Nothing grosses a guy out quite like period talk. The tampons and panty liners — it's all so foreign to us. Plus, it puts a rather messy picture in our head.
FINE, fucktards, why don't we sit around and talk about what it's like to get a cut around half the circumference of your tit so a surgeon can stretch it open, shove a plastic falsie inside and pump it full of saline?
P.S., males of Generation X: thank you, if only for enduring puberty several years before the technological heyday of internet porn.
DISCUSSION
how sad is it that it's a badge of honor for a man to even be willing to touch — nay, purchase! — a box of menstrual products? I mean, I'm definitely willing to give the considerate men mentioned above their props, but it's kinda pathetic that so many other dudes out there set the bar so low.
I honestly can't imagine becoming close friends with — let alone dating — someone who couldn't handle me occasionally bitching about being on the rag. that shit was barely tolerable when I was sixteen, & anymore it just seems like the most juvenile form of sexism around.
...jumping on this topic because implicitly encouraging teenage girls to get fake tits? I don't even have the words to express how wrong that is.