Time and time again, Ted Cruz’s daughters have given their father and the world subtle yet insistent signs that they are not willing members of the #CruzCrew. And time and time again, Ted Cruz does not seem to be able to take a hint.
Today, Ted Cruz has participated in Us Weekly’s hallowed “25 Things You Don’t Know About Me” tradition, in which we learn, for the 900th time, that his favorite movie is The Princess Bride, and, for the first time, that his daughters enjoy causing him physical harm.
Most of the other facts Cruz provided are crushingly dull: his favorite food is cheese, he hates avocados, he broke his hand playing basketball at Harvard, he was at game 7 of the NBA finals in 1994. A few are strange:
6. I was once bitten by an octopus at the beach and got terribly ill. (Yes, apparently octopuses can be poisonous.)
Honestly, Ted Cruz would be that weirdo on the beach to get bitten by an octopus, who was clearly just trying to do America a favor.
25. When I’m away from the family, in Washington, D.C., my dinner is a can of soup. I have dozens in the pantry.
This is chilling, folks. It seems like Ted is trying to brag to us about the number of cans of soup he has stashed, possibly in preparation for some kind of Doomsday scenario, which is a weird thing to brag about—not as weird as bragging about stymieing gun control efforts after Sandy Hook, though, which he also did.
But on to the real story:
13. At my daughters’ [Caroline, 7, and Catherine, 5] birthday parties, their favorite game is Attack the Daddy. It’s more terrifying than you might think.
Really? I think I know exactly how terrifying it is. Watch your back, Ted.
Image via Associated Press.