Ted Cruz Thinks He's Funny

Eff this tweet, eff April Fools Day, and eff James Comey!:

Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

Ted Cruz thinks he’s funny. [Ted Cruz]
A lawsuit against Holland Christian High School—Betsy DeVos’s alma mater—illustrates how DeVos’s new Title IX policies are making it harder for victims of sexual assault to seek justice. [The New York Times]
The Supreme Court’s conservative majority just essentially legalized torture and authorized a lethal injection that will cause a man on death row to suffocate to death while he bleeds out. [Slate]
Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen is requiring more asylum seekers to stay in Mexico. [Politico]
Will comedian Volodymyr Zelenskiy become Ukraine’s next president? [The New Republic]
After weeks of mass protests, Algeria’s president, Abdelaziz Bouteflika, will step down in April after twenty years of rule. [The Guardian]
A longtime White House security adviser, Tricia Newbold, told Congress that the Trump administration reversed 25 security clearance denials, which have exposed national security secrets. [Washington Post]
A group of Senate Democrats are planning to introduce a constitutional amendment to abolish the Electoral College. [Politico]