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Ted Cruz Says America Is Best 'When She Is Lying Down With Her Back on the Mat'

Illustration for article titled Ted Cruz Says America Is Best When She Is Lying Down With Her Back on the Mat

In case you needed to be reminded that Ted Cruz is “not” the Zodiac Killer, here you go.


Absolutely adorable, right?

The GOP presidential hopeful decided that it was an excellent idea to state this after his loss to both Donald Trump, an marigold-colored ball of excrement living up to aspirations inspired by the company that makes Cheetohs, and John Kasich, someone who may or may not be a reincarnation of Rhoda from The Bad Seed.


Also, wait, Cruz, you’re so cute here too:

Contributor, Jezebel

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Maybe because I’m exhausted, was he even trying to say that came out like this??