Tanning Salon Is Super Thankful Native Americans 'Brought Sexy Color'

In honor of Thanksgiving, a chain of tanning salons in Alabama and Florida has launched a holiday-themed ad campaign that is both offensively stupid and stupidly offensive. “The Indians brought more than just ‘CORN’ to the first Thanksgiving,” reads the copy, “they brought SEXY ‘COLOR’!” Ugh, the unnecessary quotation marks. Ugh, the insensitivity. Ugh, the idea of indoor tanning. I feel like I’m getting brain cancer.

Club Sun Color Studios offers women who have never heard about how artificial tanning ages your skin and makes you look like an underbasted turkey carcass by the time you’re 30 the opportunity for big, big savings this Thanksgiving with this super rad promotion. In addition to both savings and melanoma and that weird cooked skin smell that emanates from tanning salons, the promotion is advertised by a sexy blonde pilgrim and a woman in a Sexy Indian Halloween costume-style getup brought together by the magic of bad photo editing and really, really idiotic cultural appropriation.

As you can see, Sexy Indian is also wearing authentic fringed stilettos, which historians agree is part of the traditional dress of Sexy Indians when they taught Sexy Pilgrims how to tan back in History Days. After the tanning sesh, Sexy Indian and Sexy Pilgrim had a traditional Sexy Girl-On-Girl Makeout To Get The Boys’ Attention. Then, the traditional Thanksgiving pube waxing. Then, sexy genocide, and hundreds of years of sexy exploitation of the sexy Indian women’s daughters and granddaughters by the descendants of the Sexy Pilgrim, the sexy scars of which still linger to this day in Sexy American culture.

The ad is currently on the chain’s homepage, and a more Facebook-friendly layout currently tops the chain’s facebook page.

I can’t believe they found a way to make indoor tanning even tackier. It’s a Thanksgiving miracle.