Welcome to another edition of Omarosa Manigault Newman Secretly Recording Shit in the White House. Today, President Trump’s dulcet, nasally tunes make their debut.

Hope Hicks, the former White House Communications Director who was best known for being extremely quiet and reluctant to speak to members of the press (which some might call not doing her job), dating a fellow White House staffer who resigned after the emergence of allegations of domestic abuse, and testifying before…

In a profile in the New York Times, Speaker of the House Paul Ryan explained at length how his strong leadership skills helped avoid “tragedy” in the Trump administration:

Just....don’t.

While Sarah Huckabee Sanders has denied rumors that she plans on getting the hell out of the White House, administration officials have quietly begun planning for her eventual departure, according to Politico.

Just a quick Fourth of July story: A random man was wondering around my small suburban city’s celebration wearing a custom hat that said “Booby Inspector” and a Donald Trump t-shirt. God bless America!

Sources at the White House—a great place to work for ten days, a year tops—told CBS on Wednesday that press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders (this lady) is planning to leave her position by the end of the year. The same report had it that principal deputy press secretary Raj Shah is also considering leaving his post.

Andrew Giuliani, White House staffer, golfer, and son of Rudy Giuliani, recently had his West Wing access revoked by John Kelly, Axios reports. Yes, there are two Giulianis running around the White House, and they seem equally cool and qualified. More importantly, this not-particularly-recent photography suggests that…

White House senior advisers and professional grifters Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner are cleaning the fuck up outside of the administration jobs they were given because of daddy president. According to new financial disclosures, the couple made a whopping $82 million in outside income in 2017. $82 million!

Donald Trump can’t stop, won’t stop tearing shit up.

On Wednesday night, Donald Trump will host an iftar dinner at the White House in commemoration of Ramadan, a holy month of fasting in the Islamic calendar. On behalf of us Muslims everywhere, I’d like to RSVP ‘fuck no’.

Commander of cheese.

CNN reported that Kelly Sadler, the White House communications aide who back in May allegedly made a headline-grabbing remark about Senator John McCain’s brain cancer diagnosis, was let go from her job on Tuesday, according to a White House official.

Somber news to report: The White House remains on this earthly plane of existence, successfully thwarting the universe’s attempt to pull it into the underworld where it belongs.

It appears that the Trump White House is just winging the fuck out of this deceive-the-American-people thing. It’s really something!

Amid an absolute barrage of negative stories about sweaty hustler and EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt, one intrepid aide attempted to use the ancient art of misdirection in order to protect his boss.

Questions are beginning to swirl about Ivanka Trump—President Trump’s most trusted advisor and also his daughter that he might want to date—and her involvement in Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation. Or rather, her marked lack of involvement. She has yet to be questioned by Mueller, and this Politico piece…

Happens to the best of us.

In Politico, a new profile of Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the White House press secretary who shares her employer’s dedication to half-truths and outright fictions, attempts to unmask the woman whose singular ability to “deaden a room” is perhaps her greatest strength. It is a piece that substitutes friendly anecdotes…

Ralph Drollinger is an infamously far-right pastor who was disavowed by his own church for his bigoted ideology; he also leads an absolutely thriving weekly Bible study group for Trump administration Cabinet members.