There are few things the Jezebel staff hates more than plastic straws—specifically, the harm they create for wildlife, the damage they cause our oceans and coastlines, the pollution ice coffee junkies ’round the world are responsible for—and now, DJ Calvin Harris (real name Adam Richard Wiles, Scottish for “You forgot…

Much like a wrecking ball, tornado, or the utterly delightful early-summer surprise Book Club, a passionate hatred for plastic straws appears has crashed into my life without warning, causing a seismic shift to my general consciousness and word-view.

A few weeks ago, I fulfilled two lifelong dreams, one conscious and one very subconscious. The first: I attended a Shania Twain concert. (Should you desire, you can read about that heavenly experience here.) The second: I drank beer out of a straw for what felt like the first time.