CNN’s resident conservative menace, Rick Santorum, had some advice for the Parkland teens following their successful March for Our Lives rallies: Stop whining about guns and learn CPR!
Former Senator (and namesake of that frothy mixture of lube and feces that occurs during anal sex) Rick Santorum, who came in second during the 2012 GOP Presidential primary, is currently polling at 0 percent. How things change.
In the wee small hours of the morning, you no doubt find yourself wondering what happened to the motley cast of characters from the 2012 Republican Presidential Primary. Have they gone off to star in their own unsuccessful spin-offs or are they smoking meth with a vagrant named Dingo in a paddle boat drifting down the…
Earlier today, a clear majority of Senate GOP voted to block a treaty to ratify the U.N. Convention on the Rights of People with Disabilities. They did so in front of Bob Dole, the former Senate Majority Leader from Kansas, who arrived in his wheelchair on the Senate floor to support the treaty. BTW, the alternate…
Well, well, well, America. You're so much less awful than I thought. With horror stories of suppression and fuckery being whispered from Ohio to Florida, many nervous Obama voters braced for the worst yesterday, only to be rewarded with what basically amounts to the election equivalent of the pony they thought Santa…
Joyless ideologue Rick Santorum has written a hilarious book about the true meaning of FREEDOM and AMERICA and WHAT THE FOUNDING FATHERS REALLY MEANT when they said FREEDOM and AMERICA. And in true Rick Santorum fashion, he's got some harsh words for all you fatties out there who like lame shit like "happiness" and…
Frothy lunatic politician Rick Santorum has been serving as a sort of reluctant surrogate for his formal rival Mittens Romney since he finally conceded the Republican Presidential nomination earlier this year. But that doesn't mean he's gotten any less terrible, or delightfully insane. The latest gem from the mouth of…
In a rare moment of reach-across-the-aisle candor, human fartstack Rick Santorum conveyed to the Values Voters Summit something polite people had been thinking but hesitated to say in public: Values Voters are dum-dums. Really.
We've got a long history, Florida and I. Our paths keep crossing as if the fate of America's pregnant cabana accident capitol and I are somehow cosmically intertwined, and so naturally, when I found out that the Republican National Convention was being held in Florida this year, I knew I had to go. And that's how I…
Did you know that when Rick Santorum lost the Republican primary this spring, he became Pope of America? It's a little known clause in the Constitution that allows any crazy person who runs for President and wins at least one primary to declare themselves King of something as a consolation prize. Rick Santorum has…
Foster Friess just can't stop saying stupid shit. Earlier this year, the big Santorum backer told a horrified Andrea Mitchell that back in his day, women didn't need birth control pills because "the gals" kept an aspirin between their knees (in other news, Foster Friess has never had sex with a woman while her legs…
The Bush administration, those geniuses who brought us great ideas like a long, expensive war against a country that didn't have weapons of mass destruction and flying over Hurricane Katrina en route home from a vacay, had another Brains Turned Up to 11 idea that it now seems didn't work: a multimillion dollar federal…
On Monday, ex Presidential candidate Rick Santorum tantalized his Twitter followers with news that soon, he be making a "big announcement." What could it possibly be? Was Rick gay? Pregnant? About to inform America that his entire political career has been part of the most elaborate dissertation on how extremists can…
Conservative Americans demand their politicians spout sepia pleasantries about how America needs to experience a resurrection of "traditional family values." But when it comes down to setting policy, the US's most conservative states are actually the most hostile to the families to whom they so adamantly pay lip…
Ex Presidential candidate, ex Senator, and current gay sex-obsessed homophobe Rick Santorum will be appearing on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno tonight, which means he'll be on your local NBC affiliate in all his grimacing glory right around the time that North Carolinians will learn whether or not they've…
Sacha Baron Cohen's new trolling project The Dictator is about to hit theaters, and the British comedian is in full in-character promo mode. During a press conference yesterday, a reporter asked him who he'd support in the US Presidential elections, and "General Shabazz Aladeen" responded that he'd put his money on…
Usually major political endorsements are given at some kind big campaign event, preferably with the entire lamestream media watching and lots of hand-shaking going on, but Rick Santorum opted for something a bit more low-key this evening when giving his much-anticipated endorsement of Mittens Romney. He issued a…
During his campaign, Rick Santorum didn't ask for much from his lodging. In fact, the only thing that he explicitly required was that all hotels housing his staff offer a free breakfast buffet. Hey, I agree with Rick Santorum about something!
This month is drawing to a close, and yet another celebrity has given birth before Jessica Simpson. This time it's Maggie Gyllenhaal who, along with hubby Peter Sarsgaard, has welcomed a brand new baby girl. She was born on April 19th, but they've only just gotten around to telling the world.
Sure, Rick Santorum did some serious thinking before ending his ill-fated presidential candidacy, but did he really think hard enough about aborting such a vital force for change? Just in case, Ashley Judd, Michelle Trachtenberg, Katy Mixon, and Eliza Coupe have made this enlightening video for Funny or Die that walks…
