We Ate Salad the Amy Klobuchar Way
Last week, the New York Times reported that apparently very hungry Senator Amy Klobuchar reprimanded one of her aides…
Fellow Dirt Bags: Turns Out It's Okay If You Don't Wash Your Legs
Last September, I wrote a very stupid blog post based around a plot line on FXX’s You’re the Worst, in which Jimmy is…
Do You Wash Your Legs?
There’s an ongoing joke on season three of FXX’s You’re the Worst in which Jimmy (Chris Greere) is disgusted to learn…
Bar Soap's for the Shower, Liquid's for the Sink, These Are the Rules on How Not to Stink
Does the news that millennials are no longer using bar soap have you all worked up in a lather? Get over yourself, ya…
Of Course You Should Pee in the Shower
Years ago, a close friend of mine tried to shame me for peeing in the shower. Apparently my tinkling habits were a…
Biting Your Nails Is Even More Disgusting Than You Thought
"Is Biting Your Nails Dangerous—Or Just Gross?" Time magazine asks. Turns out that the answer is both. It is seriously…
What Women Are Actually Doing in the Bathroom
It's an old cliché, but one that persists. Why do women take so long in the bathroom?
How Often Do You Really Need to Shower?
Showering is about three things: Hygiene, cultural acceptance, and personal preference. But this doesn't make any…
Here's Proof That Not Washing Your Face Is Totally Disgusting
Confession, guys: unless I'm in the shower and I feel particularly grimy that day, I rarely wash my face. I figured my…
Victory Against Hygiene Achieved At 150th Gettysburg Re-Enactment
One not-so-fun fact about the 150th reenactment of the Civil War battle at Gettysburg: The whole not being able to…
Hey, People -- Just Wash Your Fucking Hands, Okay?
It seems silly that we’re about to have this conversation, but people really need to start washing their hands. Like,…
Hospitals Hire Hand-Washing Coaches Because Staffers Are Fucking Gross
Despite major advances in technology and innovation, infection spreads at modern-day hospitals like dysentery spread on…
Like Children, Men Need to Be Told to Wash Their Filthy Hands
Germaphobes, you're going to need to exit the building. Gone? Great. Poop smear butthole gunk! Aha, I knew you were…
Odorless Underarmers Walk Among Us, Buy Deodorant Just to Fit In
There exist among us, walking around as if they were also smelly animals, beings who do not produce any underarm odor,…
An Open Letter to Men Who Spit All the Time: WTF Is Going on in Your Mouth?!
I'd like to start out by thanking the man walking toward me on East 33rd between Fifth and Madison who spit at my feet…
Unsurprisingly, Kids With Cavities Don't Do Well in School
According to a recent study from USC's Ostrow School of Dentistry, — also informally known as the Ostrow School for…
All That Antibacterial Soap You're Using Is Gonna Stop Your Heart
Let me just put this right up front, for all the die-hard disinfectors out there: REGULAR SOAP WILL DO. For almost…
You Don't Need Soap to Shower, Silly
During the winter, it's easy to find excuses to stay inside and avoid adult responsibilities. It's cold. There's snow…
Leaving The Toilet Open Causes Everyone Else To Get The Vomits
You probably already knew that when you flush the toilet with the lid open, a great big cloud of bacteria shoots up…
Thanksgiving Is Making Everyone Dirty And Gross
Thanksgiving weekend is supposed to be a time of delicious food and family camaraderie. Apparently, it's also when…