Melania Could Have Made Salads
The Clemson Tigers, college football champions, visited the White House on Monday evening as a reward for doing a very…
Subway Is Ending The $5 Footlong And Maybe Introducing Paninis?
When I think of Subway, my fast food restaurant of choice, here’s what I imagine: Yoga mat bread, Jared Fogle, and the…
Don't Eat McMuffins After 3 P.M.
The Sausage & Egg McMuffin is the best thing that God has invented so far, and eating one is better than having an…
Chipotle Sued for Concealing 'Faulty' Quality Controls From Investors
Uh oh. It seems our our blessed Church of Chipotle has gone astray and lost itself in the mire of legal entanglements.…
Chick-fil-A Will Give 100 Humiliated New Yorkers Free Food for a Year
Chick-fil-A, the homophobic purveyor of chicken sandwiches, is opening its first location in New York City at the…
There Was a Secret Meth Operation Underway At a Taco Bell
A poor, innocent Taco Bell restaurant was found to be doubling as a meth lab in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Two men, who were…
Wendy's Employee Is the Sassiest Drive-Thru Operator in New Jersey
This is the sound of a delightful, hard-working employee who just doesn't give a fuck.
Haters, Gather 'Round: Let's All Hate On the New McDonald's Tagline
McDonalds is in a bit of a pickle. It seems that people aren't trying to get their Big Mac on quite like they used to.…
Nobody's Eating Breakfast at Home Anymore
Stop buying breakfast tables because they're nothing more than a giant junk-mail bucket because nobody ever eats…
I Tried the Subway Flatizza. It Was Everything You'd Expect and More.
Due to overwhelming demand (and my own natural curiosity) I finally broke down and tried a product that's made a lot of…
Ronald McDonald Gets a Normcore Makeover
America's favorite wage-thieving nightmare clown is getting a sartorial makeover, abandoning his traditional…
New Ads Stress That Thick, Juicy Burgers Are Definitely Not for Ladies
One of them, unsurprisingly, is via Carl's Jr.—the Western X-tra Bacon Thickburger. The point is shoved home via a fake…
Florida McDonald's Taking Reservations for Valentine's Day Dinner
Happy Valentine's Day! Scrambling to make last-minute plans because you forgot it was Valentine's Day until you read…
People Petition McDonald’s to Ruin Vegetables Just Like It Ruined Beef
Vegetarians all over these United States have turned out by the metaphorical wagonload to take a stand and sign a…
Idjits Support Bearded Reality TV Homophobe With 'Chick Phil A' Day
Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson recently found himself suspended from filming the massively popular reality show for…
RIP Mighty Wings: A Look Back at the Greatest Fast Food Failures
Tragedy. McDonald's is stuck with 10 million pounds of delicious, weird, kind of chemically-tasting "Mighty Wings"…
The President of Cinnabon Is an Unapologetic ‘Gut Bomb’ Purveyor
Real talk: Cinnabon, that foodcourt-born purveyor of tire-sized cinnamon rolls drizzled with semen milked piping hot…
McDonald's to Offer Hip and Trendy Side Salads With Value Meals
In an effort to suit "contemporary tastes," McDonald's has announced that it's adding fruits and vegetables to its…
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco Is A Goddamn Abomination
Taco Bell, we need to talk.
Apparently People Are Exchanging Sex for McDonald's?
Giving new meaning to the Happy Meal (HAR), a 58-year-old New Mexico man was arrested last week after he paid a sex…