Suspected Virginia Butt-Slasher Flees to Peru

For a good portion of 2011, Northern Virginia was paralyzed in fear of a man who had made a habit of sneaking up behind unsuspecting shoppers in area malls and slashing their posteriors with box cutters and razors. His shenanigans continued unabated for months, until authorities identified the man as Johnny Guillen Pimentel and the slicing stopped. Now, officials fear their suspect may have fled to Peru.

The butt cutter would indulge in his odd habit this summer at malls in the DC area. A young woman, in her teens or twenties, would be distracted by a commotion while shopping, and before she knew it, her ass would be slashed. No one was seriously injured in the attacks that every single media outlet in the world reported as “bizarre,” but victims were seriously unnerved and asses lived in constant fear. In total, nine women have come forward to report being victimized.

Then, in September, a break in the case. Authorities used surveillance footage and citizen tips to identify the man as Johnny Guillen Pimentel, a Peruvian immigrant who came to the US 8 or 9 years ago. His brother, who also lives in the states, claimed Pimentel had never displayed violent tendencies.

It now seems that Pimentel has exported his derrière filleting skills back to his home country. Authorities believe that he’s been in Lima since mid-December, and they’re seeking extradition. Peruvian media also believes that the corta nalgas has returned home, and has warned citizens to be on the lookout.

If convicted, Pimentel faces a charge of malicious wounding and years of being the butt of late night comedians’ monologue jokes.