Survey Reveals Ladies Take Fucking Forever To Feel Good About Themselves

The good news is that at some point in your life, you will feel awesome about yourself. The bad news is that the point at which you feel totally hot may be a few decades away.

A new survey of UK women found that the age at which women feel the sexiest and most confident isn’t 22, or even 32. It’s 52. Half of the 3,000 respondents to the survey said that 52 is the age where they feel they’ve accomplished most of their goals, and that they felt sexiest and most confident about their bodies when they’d passed the half century mark.

Interestingly, the average age at which a woman in a developed Western country experiences her last menstrual period is around 51, which means that if we’re going to conflate correlation and causation, we could say that it’s possible that we just feel awesome when we don’t have to buy menstrual products or segregate our underthings by “period panties” and “sex panties” anymore.

The whole deal was sponsored by Special K, the same cereal famous for telling women that they can lose oodles of weight and eventually pose, beaming, behind a pair of enormous pants they used to wear if only they replace two meals per day with a bowl of Special K cereal. The survey also found that women who are confident in themselves wear red, which just so happens to be the color of Special K packaging. Imagine that.

On the other hand, women who think they’re bunions on the unpedicured feet of life tend to wear black, because black is for witches and ladies who hate themselves.