Suburban Mom Uses Internets To Chat Up Jihadis, Buy Missiles, Embarrass FBI

Illustration for article titled Suburban Mom Uses Internets To Chat Up Jihadis, Buy Missiles, Embarrass FBI

You know how some people have a knack for creating really elaborate alter egos replete with extensive back stories and a whole set of made-up linguistic tics/fave idioms, and using their fictional new personas to do crazy shit on the internet? Yeah no, stop thinking about pedophiles and World of Warcraft players and think what a woman would do with that sort of skill set/innate weirdness. She'd track down terrorists the FBI is too stupid and bloated to find, according to the latest Wired! The latest issue of which profiles a Montana lawyer named Shannen Rossmiller, whose only real hobbies were taking care of her two kids until 9/11 happened and prompted her to buy a copy of The Koran For Dummies. From there she started teaching herself to speak Arabic, and fast forward a few years and she's buying missiles from jihadis off the internet! (Initially supplied by the Americans in the eighties, natch.) While meanwhile over at the FBI, agents are still waiting for approval to open up Yahoo! mail accounts. But perhaps the most depressing part is the pitifully retarded, testosterone-addled nature of the guy she eventually nails for trying to commit espionage, National Guard tank crew member Ryan Anderson!

Many of Anderson's emails with Rossmiller were full of chatty banter, the kind people use when they're thrilled with a new online friend — except that every once in a while, he would throw in riffs about killing Americans or Arabs. But he would also offer upbeat raves about his fellow soldiers. In one email he cheerfully describes his commanding officer as "a really cool guy, and a vet of a couple of other deployments including Gulf War I." Later he flattered Khadija by describing how tough terrorists are and how they are "a real Alliance of Evil like our C in C says... (yes, I still like George Bush, even though he's sending us there, he's the guy I voted for, and I'll probably vote for him again... )."


Well, not to be all feminazi or whatever but isn't this just like a dude. He loves George Bush, but he loves Osama too! He'll shoot all the bad guys in the name of Allah and Alan Greenspan! He just wants to play the game!!!

Behind Enemy Lines With A Suburban Counterterrorist [Wired]



I just read the whole article too. It did occur in 2002, and Mr. Douche Guard wasn't just an idiot, he wanted to defect.