Stupid Study About Hair Color Suggests That Men Want to Marry Women with Serious Brown Hair

A new “study” (if we can so legitimize this cereal box survey with such a characterization), has discovered that men actually don’t actually prefer women with insouciant blonde hair, despite what previous pop-science and movie musicals have led us to believe. What men really want in a life-partner is a sensible head of brown, Oscar-nominated hair because brown hair, as we all know, magically imbues its wearer with a certain level of intellectual gravitas.

Researchers/some guy in his basement working for Superdrug surveyed 1,000 men, determining that 54 percent of them would choose a brunette to be their wife. A minority 16 percent preferred blonde hair, while 30 percent of participants shrugged their shoulders and asked when they would have access to the free doughnut holes they were promised when they signed up for the study (the answer, sadly, was never).

Other useless information gleaned from this researcher: men think women with brown hair take better care of their appearance, make better cooks (seriously, who the fuck asked these questions?), and are more likely to experiment with new sex stuff. You know, all the regular indentured servant stuff, because before conducting the study, everyone associated with it went through a wormhole back to 1952. In other words, all this study really tells us is that a lot of people still have their heads deep in their own lower intestines about gender stereotypes.