Study Says Men's Beards Are Gross and Filled With Poop

Ah, beards. You either love them or hate them. For those of us that are pro-beard, it’s easy to find kindred spirits through all the facial hair-dedicated Tumblrs, Instagrams and OKCupid profiles proclaiming an undying love for faces full of fuzz. Now the beard-haters will have something to throw back at us. A recent study has shown that beards are basically disgusting nests filled with bacteria equivalent to those found inside of a toilet. That’s right, there’s a possibility that doo-doo germs could be lurking in a nearby face merkin right this second.

According to KOAT Albuquerque, several anonymous men allowed a microbiologist to swab their beards for bacterial testing. A few of the beards contained your standard stuff while others revealed to have the kind found in fecal matter. While the microbiologist recommended a good beard scrubbing and regular hand-washing to diminish the presence of these germs, he didn’t mention just exactly how they could have gotten on a man’s fine beard in the first place. That’s been left to our imaginations.

In this dirty, disgusting world we live in, everything is pretty much filled with germs. When I worked as a bank teller, all I’d hear was how something like 99% of cash money had cocaine and dookie on it. I will take my chances making out with these gruff, lumberjack-looking toilet seats. Still, keeping a nice beard shampooed and conditioned won’t hurt. We don’t need some type of listeria hysteria from a beard-borne illness to come about. For those of you who are also not turned off by this news, there’s a dating site for you.