Study: Everyone's Sexting On Tuesday Mornings

Illustration for article titled Study: Everyone's Sexting On Tuesday Mornings

According to a new study, every Tuesday at 10 a.m., the gates of carnal desire open up and spew out a torrid stream of sexual text messages for approximately 2 hours. On Tuesdays, whispers everyone on the planet in unison, we send people digital photos of our erogenous zones.


An initially-surprising study by Retina-X Studios, a company that develops tracking tools for computers, tablets, smartphones, et. al., polled 4,8000 people and found that most sexting occurs between 10 a.m. and noon on Tuesdays. Which seems weird at first glance, but — reflecting further on it — Tuesday mornings makes a lot of sense: at nighttime, left to your own devices in the privacy of your own home you can just do actual sex stuff; on Monday morning, you are too numb to the world to enjoy sending sexually-explicit pictures or texts; on Wednesday morning, you've probably already been too crushed by the wheels of industry to bother. Tuesday mornings are an ideal time to sext. Good call, everyone.

The study also found that iPhone users are twice as likely to sext as Android users. This, too, is also unsurprising because, on iPhones, you can use emojis to tastefully depict a handjob.

Image via Goodluz/Shutterstock.



Do you know why people sext on Tuesdays? Because Tuesday is the worst fucking day of the week. Please, hear me out. Mondays are Mondays: everyone hates them, a lot of people are recovering from the weekend, and they suck. The relative upside to them is that a lot of people will slack on Mondays, or simply not give a fuck (especially Monday morning). It's a day everyone has written off mentally, even if they still work. I know I am liable to not do a thing Monday mornings until about lunchtime.

Then comes Tuesday. Tuesday is the first real day of the week where you have no excuses to not work. It's a cold, harsh mistress of a day that will chew you up and spit you out. "Welcome to the work week, bitch!" it says to you.

Wednesday is Hump Day. Once you get through it, you've reached the peak of the work week and you can coast.

Who doesn't love Thirsty Thursday?! One you're done with it, it'll be Friday!

And everyone loves Friday, especially if you work in an office that has summer hours that make it a short day!

My point is FUCK TUESDAYS and sexts on a Tuesday will keep me from rinsing my mouth out with buckshot.