Straight Talk From An Athlete: Pay Up Or Be Accused Of Rape

Distracting the menfolk from playing well isn’t the only way women mess with athletes. They can also play the rape card! But not if you pay them off, says an anonymous NFL player in an advice column.

The advice, which is running in the New York Daily News, is addressed in part to Tiger Woods and Ben Roethlisberger. Everyone knows “how they got in trouble with their women and groupies.” Memo to Anonymous: Roethlisberger did not “get in trouble” with a woman. Unless by “get in trouble” you mean “is accused of raping two of them.” But this elision is no coincidence.

Writes this champion,

It’s not that we don’t love our wives or our families; we just like being with multiple women. Temptation, testosterone, confidence – I think all those things factor in.

In general, players want a great night, or a booty call, or just a chick on the side, and as long as we don’t treat these women like second-rate citizens, it usually works out fine.

That sounds almost kind of good! In a parallel universe! Except that here is Anonymous’s original idea of how not to treat a woman like a “second-rate citizen”: Money.

I’m not saying you take them to a steak dinner on a Saturday night, but little gifts here and there show appreciation. Think watches and dresses, maybe some cash.

You have to have some compassion for these athlete groupies, he says. They’re such damaged goods that they’re stuck in sexual purgatory:

Most of them would love to stick around and be a girlfriend, but their night lives and their pasts – they’ve usually been with other athletes – keep us from doing that. So they settle for being one-night stands and booty calls.

If you don’t follow Anonymous’s advice, you’ll either lose your Madonna-pure wife (Tiger) or you’ll see a dastardly ho wield that feminine trump card: false rape accusations.

In the court of public opinion, they know they’ll always have the upper hand. If the player is accused of rape, the player – whether guilty or innocent – has to deal with the repercussions.

Actually, it is abundantly clear that more often than not, a player doesn’t actually have to deal with the repercussions even when there is strong evidence that he has raped a woman. Thanks, Anonymous — even under the cowardly cover of anonymity, you’ve managed to efficiently enunciate the lying, transactional, double-standard-enforcing, slut-shaming, rapist-enabling underbelly that exists in professional sports.

Listen Up Ben Roethlisberger & Tiger Woods: Compassion & Cash Goes Long Way With Women And Groupies [NYDN]