Stiletto Shoes + British Women = Bad News

Illustration for article titled Stiletto Shoes + British Women = Bad News

Good thing Victoria Beckham has moved Stateside: Something's rotten in the British Isles and it isn't just Islamic terrorists. Yesterday's report about the just-married Scottish bride who put a puncture-wound in her new husband's head with a stiletto sounded familiar... probably because just last week, we read about a 25-year-old former prostitute in Glasgow who robbed a 70-year-old man and seriously injured him by, among other things, jumping on his head wearing stilettos. But it's not just the Scots! A year ago, a 21 year old woman from a Lancashire town used her heel to bash a guy in the face outside a bar that her older brother had just been thrown out of.


And don't forget the horsewoman who, in a drunken rage, kicked a poor policeman in the shin with her stiletto. Or the a 31-year-old British mother of two who was ordered to pay an off-duty soldier some £170 ($346) to compensate for smacking him in the head with her heel. Actually, she claims he pinched her butt at a bar. Taking that into account, he probably deserved it.

Bride Arrested For Assaulting Groom At Wedding [Telegraph]
OAP Stiletto Heel Attacker Jailed [BBCNews]
Man Gets £170 For Stiletto Attack [BBCNews]
Man Jailed For Street Attacks [Burnley Citizen]
Woman Faces Jail For Race Day Attack On PC [Cambridge Evening News]
Related: 6 Arrested In Gang Attack Near Metro Station [WashingtonPost]

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As apparently your lone British poster allow me to explain. We in ye olde country are not quite as glammed up as you Am-er-i-cans. The only people who put the words "regular" and "pedicure" together over here are Elizabeth Hurley and la Beckham, who we've now successfully offloaded on you. The climate's crap, everything's expensive, who can be bothered with all that stuff? So when we're called upon to do things that shake us out of our usual peasant-ish ways, like wear high heels, everything goes to hell. You gave us beauty standards, we gave you Simon Cowell. That's how it goes.