Last night Stephen Colbert addressed the possibility that men may soon be able to take their own form of birth control pills. He's concerned that this will destroy the lives of many sacred sperm who could go on to become babies. His solution? Give every man a transurethral ultrasound (ouch!) before they're allowed to take the pill—just so they're sure they want to kill all those sperm.

Bonus: He discusses the insidious Babyccino trend and warns we'll soon serving fetalattes to those still in utero. God help us all.