Starbucks Trying So Hard Not to Offend Anyone It Doesn't Even Know What It's Doing Anymore

Photo via Starbucks.
Photo via Starbucks.

In this time of national strife, Starbucks would like to channel the anodyne vibes of the mid 1960s Youngbloods anthem, “Get Together,” with a limited-edition green cup meant to remind us we’re all connected and encourage unity.

That should patch things right up!

That’s via CNN Money. Starbucks launched the campaign with a press release titled, “Starbucks Green Cup Celebrates Community,” which has the determined cheerfulness of the last family vacation taken before a divorce announcement:

A single line connects the figures. A coffee farmer, a family, a barista, friends embracing. A mosaic of more than a hundred people drawn in one continuous stroke is featured on a new Starbucks green cup....

“The green cup and the design represent the connections Starbucks has as a community with its partners (employees) and customers. During a divisive time in our county, Starbucks wanted to create a symbol of unity as a reminder of our shared values, and the need to be good to each other,” said Howard Schultz, chairman and ceo.

Starbucks commissioned artist Shogo Ota to create the artwork. His threaded design represents shared humanity and connection, serving as a symbol for stitching people together as a united community.


These cups have already been rolled out at the Starbucks nearest to Jezebel’s office, along with a door decal urging us to treat each other well or something. I have also, personally, begun being targeted by this promoted tweet.

Think of how perfectly that’ll nestle between Donald Trump tweets!

This time last year, Starbucks proudly unveiled its annual holiday cups, a minimalist two-tone red—which promptly inspired a War on Christmas freakout. But lest the Christmas warriors totally flip their lids, know that there are probably some more “traditionally” festive cups coming soon. Eater also reported that somebody on Reddit had shared a picture of what looked to be the usual red cups, but with three different designs, the one showing sort of a seasonal berry-branch-and-bird theme that would blend perfectly well with any store’s selection of Christmas wrapping papers. “In the Bleak Midwinter” vibes would feel very appropriate this year, that’s for sure.


Everything’s going great here in America! Shining city on a hill of coffee beans! Can everybody please just shut up and put a smile on their face and drink their damn peppermint mocha already?

Senior Editor, Attic Haunter, Jezebel

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Sign number eight bajillion and seventy-eleventh that I’m a blackhearted bitch: When I saw the green cups this morning, I was legitimately delighted when I realized how many people were going to be PIIIIISSED at the lack of red cups right now.