Starbucks Has Gone Insane 

There is a time and a place for everything in this world, except for three things: 1) Santacon, 2) the GOP, and 3) limited-time-only Starbucks drinks, such as Starbuck’s Christmas Tree Frappuccino® Blended Crème, a semi-liquid brown and off-green flavor sculpture available only at participating Starbucks locations.

Brought to you by the people who wondered what would happen if food was a dead person or bloody vampire, comes a potable 420 calorie Christmas tree. Even after the lunatics at the insane laboratory of Starbucks HQ had produced the Hindenburg Disaster of -appuccinos with the Unicorn Frappuccino earlier this year, they continue to push the bounds. The result is:

Delicious mocha and peppermint are blended with milk and ice, topped with a festive tree made of matcha infused whipped cream, a caramel drizzle and candied cranberries finished off with a strawberry tree “topper.”

This looks like:

Brown and green snow shoveled into a plastic container with a fucked up fruit thrown on top by a madman, if Christmas collided head-on with Saint Patrick’s Day and the slush were somehow captured in whatever container Starbucks had at hand (based on the documentation, the cups are inconsistent). Ideally this resembles a Douglas fir.

The Washington Post describes the flavor as “broken promises and Thin Mints” but “tastes like melted mint chocolate chip ice cream” if you close your eyes. People, ever-optimistic, described it as, if not a “standout” flavor medley, then good for the Instagram. (We will have to take their word for it because it is Santacon).

The Christmas Frappuccino ends on Monday, December 11th, but it’s just the frontier of Starbucks’ expansion into the realm of food things.