"Denise2005" aka "Matilda&Leon", a married lady with a baby in the hospital, is having some connubial un-bliss, she tells the other ladies on relationship site TheNest.com:
"DH sent me an email last night telling me how hurt he is that I didn't have sex with him on his bday. I'm just too exhausted and too much other stuff on my mind. I work 7am-4pm, go to the hospital till 10, get home, eat, get ready for next day, then go to bed. You think he would understand but I get this huge guilty letter and now I feel like crap."
The women from The Nest took her side (as do we!). Interestingly, however, when this thread made its way to the message boards of TheNest's little-sister site, The Knot , the soon-to-be-marrieds had an entirely different take!
I might be a bad person but I sort of see the husbands point. It's his birthday, he's probably thinking if he can't get sex on that day then when?
I am a bad person too then. Just take a little while out of one day for your husband. I mean, once people have children, it is so hard for some of them to maintain that relationship with just the two of them. He is probably feeling that.
Although it must be pretty awful to have a child in the hospital, I think they need to schedule time together. That sounds bad but if ever you were to "schedule" in some time, it's his birthday.
IMO, his email wasn't really about the sex. He's probably feeling left out of the marriage, because she's putting all her focus on her job and the baby. There's something bigger going on than some dude wanting to get laid on his birthday. She's an idiot for not recognizing that. And the chick who responded that her baby is more important than her husband's sexual needs is a moron. You don't compare stuff like that. Yeah, it's hard to balance, but there's no priority for either of them. Keeping a marriage going strong is just as important.
That's part of the reason I am uncertain if I ever want kids. I cannot imagine having to share SO. And I don't want what we have to become second fiddle to someone else.
I can't imagine not having sex on his birthday.