Someone Please Get the Houston Dash Another Cup for Their Celebratory Drinking

The 2020 NWSL Challenge Cup has come to a close and the Houston Dash have emerged as champions. Though I’m a fan of Sky Blue FC, who beat the Dash in the qualification stages in what haters would call an upset but I call growth, I am not at all bitter about this outcome. (Sky Blue lost to Chicago in a nailbiter and missed out on the finals.) There is no malice in my heart when I congratulate Rachel Daly on a superb tournament performance. All I can do is chant Kailen Sheridan’s name until the next tournament and hope that works as a hex on every other team in the league.

The Dash won their final match against the Chicago Red Stars and were awarded a literal cup for all of their hard work. The cup, which started out as a shiny glass trophy, morphed quickly into a tool of debauchery as the celebration went from professional to fucking lit. Their head coach, who resembles Robin Williams if you squint, seemed to be absolutely enamored by the sparkly cup that may or may not have traces of rona on it.

While still on the field the Dash had a wholesome and child-in-a-ball-pit like celebration for their hard-fought win.

But once the CBS cameras went away it was straight-up party time in the locker room with players toasting to their Challenge Cup sponsor, Budweiser.

Some toasted a little too hard.

I just need to know who is going to be responsible for sanitizing this trophy once the celebrations are done.