Some Suggestions Should Blake Lively Really Launch 'Preserve Baby'

Blake Lively, a ghost that escaped the Vogue office late one night clinging to Grace Coddington’s fiery locks whom Anna Wintour has been attempting to recapture ever since (baiting her traps with offers of cover stories, of course), is reportedly cooking up a new business venture: Preserve Baby. Saints preserve us.

Lainey Gossip passes along this report, plucked from OK! with a warning to consider the source. An “insider” told the mag that the line will include “diapers, bath and body products and infant clothing.” High-end, of course. (Because your baby deserves to immediately outgrow only the finest togs.) It’s not a terrible idea—babies just keep being born, and much like wedding planning, pregnancy requires acquiring lots of specialized knowledge very quickly, even though it’s useful for a limited time only unless you can parlay it into some sort of money-making enterprise. (Because other mothers-to-be are only going to take so much info-dumping.) Worked for Jessica Alba!

But we’d like to make a few humble suggestions for potential products, in the spirit of the Preserve brand:

Bibs hand-smeared with the finest baby barf
Crumbling antique toddler frocks and Victorian sailor suits for boys and girls (limited availability, of course)
Artisanally soiled diapers, made from high-end ethically sourced cloth
Antebellum mansion dollhouses (historical context sold separately, like on another site entirely)
Educational toys carved by mountaintop monks from rare unicorn horns
Safe, gentle shampoo crafted from mermaid tears collected in the light of the full moon six hundred years ago
Baby’s first $250 yoga pants