Ho ho ho, you're an idiot.
The scam artists at OpticsPlanet are selling a $6,500 Santa Stakeout Kit. You could not get more American than this — spending money you don't have on shit you don't need to chase some fictional idea of success. Or something.
Here's the full list of the items in the Santa kit:
- Camouflage Gear
- OPMOD Ghillie Suit Snow Camo
- Final Approach One Shot Blinds
- Final Approach Pull-Over Cover
- Propper Crew Neck Mens T-Shirt
- BlackHawk Omega Elite Tactical Vest #1
- Under Armour Coldgear Hitch Lite Cushion Boot Socks
- BlackHawk ECW Pro Winter Operations Gloves
- Tru-Spec H2O Waterproof ECWS Gen 2 Parka
- OPMOD P.A.C. 3.0 Personal Articles Carrier Bag
- Hydration & Food Storage
- Neverlost Food Thermos
- Primus C&H Commuter Mug Stainless Steel
- Camping Gear
- Eberlestock Ultralight Sleeping Bag w/ G-Loft Insulation
- Boker USA Bon Appetite Knife
- Hunting Gear
- Cass Creek Harmon Synthetic Mule Deer Female in Heat Scent
- Leupold RX-1000i Compact Range Finder with DNA
- Bushnell 8MP Trophy Cam Night Vision Field Scan Trail Camera
- AimSHOT Heatseeker Infrared Spotter with Laser
- Gen Pro Tactical Stocking with MOLLE
- Bolle Mojo Snow Ski Goggles
- Zippo Hand Warmer, Black
- Surefire P2X Fury Flashlight – Dual Output Tactical Light
- Pro Ears Pro Hear IV BTE Digital Hearing Device
- 5.11 Tactical Field Ops Watch
- Brite Strike Technologies Tactical Balls White LED Rolling Devices
- OPMOD TBO 1.0 Limited Edition Tactical Bottle Opener
- Uniden Two-Way FRS/GMRS Walkie Talkies
- OPMOD WB 1.0 Limited Edition 8x42mm Waterproof Binoculars
- Night Vision, Thermals & Cameras
- Carson OPMOD DNV 1.0 Limited Edition Mini Aura Digital Night Vision Pocket Monocular
- Elmo Indoor Day/Night Network Dome Security Camera
- Brinno TimeLapse Motion Sensor Digital Camera Bundle
- Canon EOS Rebel T4i Digital SLR Camera Kit
- FLIR Scout PS-24 Thermal Camera / Digital Thermal Imager
- Celestron C90 Mak Spotting Scope w/ Tripod
Seriously. All that shit. To hunt down a fake motherfucker WHO DOESN'T EVEN WANT TO BE SEEN.
And guess what? When your kid grows up they'll NEVER respect you. How could they? You're an idiot who spent SIX THOUSAND and FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS AMERICAN to track down something that's less real than a Yeti.
OK, let's just say for a minute that Santa is real. Let us just entertain that idea. You'd need a lot more gear if you were headed to the North Pole. Basically, this is a rip-off no matter which way you slice it.
I have no idea why I'm still writing it except that growing up in an environment where having enough money each month was far from a guarantee — this shit just pisses me off. Yes, you can spend you money on anything you want, but if you spend it on this, you are an asshole and an idiot.
Image via Shutterstock/Tatiana Popova