Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

"So Basically, Women Voters Just Chose The 'Crying Will Get You What You Want' Candidate. Awesome."

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Dear all you commentwhores who said HIllary's teensy little tear session had swayed your vote to Hillary: Fuck you. I'm sorry, I realize that you pay my bills, but this makes no sense. Her narrow lead in yesterday's New Hampshire primary is entirely attributable to chicks like you, and you were alllllll chicks. It almost makes me wish there were some "Bradley effect" in effect, whereby voters, all by themselves in the voting booth instead of debating face to face with their neighbors, allow themselves the luxury of acknowledging their inner bigot and voting for the non-Negro. No, this was different. New Hampshire women, after telling pollster after pollster they were ready for change, went inside the booths and had a little cry. Maybe they felt bad for Hillary for sticking it out in that humiliating, mirth-free marriage of hers only to vote against her now. Maybe it reminded them of the time they stuck it out in an emotionally abusive situation and only got through it because somehow, somewhere, they still held out hope that karma would make it all right in the end. Well, that is not an audacious hope. That is a STUPID hope.


MEGAN: yes, sad. :(

New Hampshire old people not liking change.

22 minutes

MOE: Okay I'm just going to put it out there that I knew this was going to happen.

MEGAN: The Obama would lose NH?

MOE: That those polls were unreliable, that it wasn't going to be that easy, that voters would show their pussy side and vote for Hillary if it looked like Obama was in the lead. Now it's going to be tough. The Clintons have, like, brainwashed everyone into thinking "if only we could just turn back time" the same way the fucking Bushies did in 2000, and guess what, we are not going to return to a time when the guy making your plane reservation was in Nebraska or a time before A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila and everything else is just an abusive relationship.

I have lots of "vote for Obama, pray for Clinton" friends.

They make me stabby.

And I am really sick of saying things make me stabby.

MEGAN: "Pray for Clinton"? What the fuck does that even mean?

I think the problem is, if exit polls are to be believed, is a lot of undecided people decided for Clinton at the last minute. And we all know what happened at the last minute.

Which means that I, personally, plan to serious reevaluate my now decades-old plan about never crying in public.

MOE: Do you ever see people on the street who are alone and crying softly to themselves?

I don't think the voters were truly undecided though.

What was the female margin again?

God 2 to 1

Women suck.

MEGAN: On the rest of it, though, you're totally right. She is running on nostalgia. I just, personally, don't happen to feel it because I remember pretty much only the 90s and I was broke and working somewhere between 1 and 4 jobs while going to high school/college/grad school. And I remember Bill Clinton getting rid of the direct loan program in favor of Sallie Mae, and I remember how he eliminated the tax "preference" on getting free grad school tuition from the university you work at (i.e., started charging people taxes on something free).

I remember that his little fucking economic recovery never quite made it to my home town.

And no one gave a shit.

I remember friends going to wars in Bosnia and Kosovo and people people killed and bombing factory worked in the Sudan to get at Osama or something by proxy and the innocent lives that were lost.

MOE: Yeah, a little choking up and they run back to the beholden vengeful controlling cheat who never really cared in the first place.

MEGAN: But, you know, whatever, nostalgia. She's not Bush!

MOE: The pharmaceutical factory! Yes, he bombed that right around the Starr Report, right?

MEGAN: And even though she thinks we have to work to rid the country of abortion when she needs to pander, I'm soooo certain she's planning on protecting my reproductive rights right up until the polls say it's advantageous for her not to do so.

Yes, he did.

I told a friend last night that even though she's a crazy anti-Semetic bitch from hell, I'd vote for Cynthia McKinney as the Green party candidate first.

Gah! I hate imcumbents! Kick the bums out!

Vote Kucinich!

MOE: And the economic recovery was a Wall Street recovery, a period of corporate earnings growth due to technology, outsourcing and globalization. Balancing the budget kept inflation and interest rates down but in the grand scheme that was not a huge deal. We're spending a billion dollars a day in Iraq and oil is 100 dollars a gallon or whatever and our economy STILL isn't technically in recession. In fact, every other economic indicator that comes out seems to indicate, "hmmm, not as bad as we thought!"

I would really love Kucinich.

MEGAN: Yes, real wages didn't increase by that much as housing prices (and thus property taxes in the majority of the country) began to skyrocket due to investors and widespread fraud in addition to weakened oversight.

Also, unemployment was 5% in December, which isn't December supposed to be a good month because of temp holiday jobs?

I don't even love Kucinich or even most of his ideas, I just hate mainstream politicians and the media that panders to them this morning.

And the people who think that, somehow, most of politics isn't bullshit.

MOE: Re jobs I feel like the data isn't exactly rosy but it's nowhere near as bad as anyone predicts. Which is just the thing about data, it is highly imperfect. Oh yes, and at the end of the month at least holiday SALES had redeemed themselves, so we're still consuming enough to keep this whole ponzi ship afloat!

And I don't love Kucinich; in fact, I am mad at his voters for not doing like he asked and voting for Obama

And I'm mad at all our commenters for being all "Oh NOW she has me" after that wussy little hint of a cry.

MEGAN: Did you see? Liz Glover got video of him! And he's kinda elfinly cute and sincere.

Yes, that was a little weak. A bunch of our commenters went that way, too.

And, AT BEST, it was exhaustion.

But now, seeing its effectiveness which nauseates me, I'm forced to question it, and I hate myself for that.

Also, way to play the ultimate girl card.

MOE: Also I REALLY DON'T BELIEVE her campaign was even THINKING about quitting.

MEGAN: I hate when I cry and suddenly some dude who's all being a dick is forced to find some small part of himself and be nice to me. I don't want him to pretend that he's not a dick if I'm crying, I want him to go away.

Oh, God, no, not in a million years.

MOE: How does the media buy into that whit?


MEGAN: Because they don't have anything else to report?


MEGAN: Especially now that they can't show exit polls until after the polls has closed, which is a fucking ACKNOWLEDGMENT that all voters are lemmings and do what they perceive their neighbors are doing!

MOE: You know what is really fucked, is that drudge is behind all of this.

A self-hating gay hermit is controlling the American electorate right now.

MEGAN: I will hereby reveal something that is a secret in political circles and likely to bring the wrath of you-know-who at G__ker on my head.

I do not read Matt Drudge.

I have not read Matt Drudge.

Occasionally, when someones says, you must read Drudge!, I will dutifully surf over there, get annoyed by his completely unreadable layout, and go away again.

And it has been this way for at least 8 years.

MOE: It's just as well I suppose. He's only the master of the memes because we're READING it.

MEGAN: He just links to other stuff I'm reading anyway, so...

MOE: What a gift a McCain Clinton ticket would be to the floundering, confused, closeted repressed Republican party though.

MEGAN: I was interning on the Hill in a Democrat office in the fall of 99 when people were wistfully talking about a McCain-Bradley ticket, and some people I knew were saying they'd cross party lines to vote that ticket (but were then shushed).

I think, though, that McCain's finally lost his pull there.

MOE: He's lost his pull on the Hill or among independents?

MEGAN: Well, a little of both, but mostly with independents and Dems who liked him in 2000

He's now the establishment candidate.

MOE: See, the thing about Washingtonians is that


No one I know anyway.

Washington Republicans want an Obama White House. I am convinced of this through anecdotal evidence, of course, but I feel like any sampling of Washington Republicans is a pretty good sampling since there are probably 100 of them in total.

MEGAN: I think some in Washington would welcome Bill back to their loving embrace, and ignore the baggage that would never, ever allow him to accomplish anything.

MOE: I think money people would have him back, sure. But congressional Dems?

They all seem to be over the Clintons.

And any member of the media who covered the Clintons ...

MEGAN: She's had 7 years to build the support she needed.

MOE: well yeah, but "support" is not the same as love.

MEGAN: I think if you didn't love her before, they don't love her now. But, like the black ministers in the South who want to be backing the winner, they're supporting her because of her inevitability mantle.

MOE: And to those people I say: CLINTON NEVER WON A MAJORITY OF THE ELECTORATE. Hillary will never grab the Ross Perot contingent. No matter how hard she cries!


MEGAN: No matter how hard anyone cries.