OH, NO! Soothsayer/man-sized toe Simon Cowell is predicting that One Direction will only make two more albums before breaking up. And you thought you knew heartache!
In comments to the Daily Star, Cowell reflected on the band of rosy-cheeked marionettes that he, as creator of The X Factor, so lovingly crafted out of bits of wood, magic and non-threatening facial hair, saying:
"Bands don't stay together forever. I think they will make at least two more albums together and they are in the middle of one right now."
Bands don't stay together forever, but imagine if they could! Imagine that you could stop time and leave Harry Styles in an eternal loop of youth and wide-brim hats. Imagine if girls wrote endless Ziall poetry and their pens never ran out of ink! Imagine the boys of One Direction continuing to dance their hapless dances, only in this world, the dance never ends! They just shuffle back-and-forth, back-and-forth, until their little tattooed legs break under them and even then, they're still mime-rowing their imaginary boats. And time... is frozen…
But this imaginary world is not the world we live in. Ours is a cruel universe where boy bands grow up and make only two more albums. A cruel universe where Simon Cowell, that toothless old crone, tells his gut-wrenching predictions about the fate of 1D to any paper who will listen and all we can do is sit and wait to see if he turns out right.
Image via Getty.