Vote 2020 graphic
Everything you need to know about and expect during
the most important election of our lifetimes

Shocking: John Mayer Hath Torn Katy Perry's Pez Dispenser Heart Asunder

Illustration for article titled Shocking: John Mayer Hath Torn Katy Perrys Pez Dispenser Heart Asunder

Sometimes great love stories last for a lifetime, and the time after that, and generations of children to come know and cherish their romance-steeped heritage, and other times "Katy Perry and John Mayer don't seem to be doing whatever it was they were doing anymore," say tabloids. Which was fucking, obviously. A source says the split was amicable: "They'll end up as friends. They were honestly having fun. People made it out to be far more than it was." But another source says that Mayer played a crude round of Operation™ with Perry's feeling-bones: "She's really upset. She is making it seem like it wasn't serious with John, but she is hurt."


Yo, fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, John Mayer's gotta wear a Buena Vista Social Club hat that only looks good on the members of the Buena Vista Social Club, and, OH YES, act like a 100% undiluted asswipe before, during and after intercourse. Granted, the way it's been reported makes it a gendered "women like jerks" thing, which is dumb and to be expected—and of course Katy might have wanted something casual and is totally fine and this is the ol' tabloid spin—but the primary question remains: Why The Fuck Are People (Of Any Gender) Still Sleeping With A Noxious, Shitty, Famously Racist Person (Of Any Gender)? Cheese and crackers, Los Angeles, I implore you to institute a Lysistrata-style ban on John Mayer. [Us Weekly, People]

Illustration for article titled Shocking: John Mayer Hath Torn Katy Perrys Pez Dispenser Heart Asunder

Evan Rachel Wood whipped up a hot batch of Twitter fury when she joked that Miley Cyrus was "leaning towards gay" with her new haircut. She later qualified her remark:

Ok. To be clear. I believe you should be able to joke and have a sense of humor about everything. And i hate explaining, but just to be clear, i dont judge people on how they look. Nor do i associate a hair style with sexuality. I myself am bisexual and have always 'joked' about miley giving me gay vibes. Not a bad thing! Just an observation. So i 'joked' when she cut her hair that it supported my case. But, i am not so close minded or into stereotypes or labeling. It was a joke. I could care less what gender she was attracted to. But dont hate me for supporting her in whatever She chooses. Its all fine by me.

But don't worry because it's all chill:


[Twitter, Ace Showbiz]

Miley Cyrus took her gay hair shopping in the Village. [Daily Mail]

Illustration for article titled Shocking: John Mayer Hath Torn Katy Perrys Pez Dispenser Heart Asunder

Rupert Sanders' wife Liberty Ross appeared at the Los Angeles premiere of Lawless sans ring with her brother Atticus (of Nine Inch Nails), and observers said she looked "gorgeous" and "relaxed," and was "laughing" and "happy" because they expected an Alex Mack-like puddle of sad wifegoo? Anyway, ummm, it sounds like everyone had a nice time. HOOOOOOOOO! [Page Six, E! Online]

Illustration for article titled Shocking: John Mayer Hath Torn Katy Perrys Pez Dispenser Heart Asunder

Lance Armstrong will be stripped of his seven Tour de France titles after having finally given up defending himself against doping allegations. In his statement, Armstrong says: "There comes a point in every man's life when he has to say, enough is enough. For me, that time is now." Although he maintains that the charges are "an unconstitutional witch hunt," "one-sided and unfair," he's decided that they've taken too much of a toll on his family and cancer foundation. The U.S. Anti-Doping Agency has based their charges on "non-analytical evidence," and teammates reported witnessing Armstrong injecting substances like the blood booster EPO, a banned naturally-occuring hormone.

But even the ostensible witch hunters are saddened by the final lap of Tour de Lance, says UADA spokesman Travis Tygart: "It's a sad day for all of us who love sport and our athletic heroes. It's yet another heartbreaking example of how the win-at-all-costs culture, if left unchecked, will overtake fair, safe and honest competition." [CBS News, NY Times]


Illustration for article titled Shocking: John Mayer Hath Torn Katy Perrys Pez Dispenser Heart Asunder

Breaking: Britney Spears' nearly five year conservatorship is lasting so long because she has a personality disorder that prevents her from making consistently sound decisions. Breaking: Broke in 2007. [TMZ]

Illustration for article titled Shocking: John Mayer Hath Torn Katy Perrys Pez Dispenser Heart Asunder

Kim Kardashian channels Diana Ross, the latest in the "Hype Williams Made Me Do It" file. Can't wait for the Stage 3 diva to see this, shart, and flay an assistant for breathing too loud. [Bossip]

  • Mandy Moore ran into ex Andrew Largeman Zach Braff at a wine party, missed him like candy, it was probably uncomfortable. [People]
  • Katrina Darling, Kate Middleton's pinup cousin, is down with Prince Harry's nude photos: "I was shocked that the public were surprised that there is a young man having fun, partying and being comfortable with his body." [Us Weekly]
  • And so did Lady Gaga. [E! Online]
  • Tyra Banks would like to remind you that Tyra Banks went to Harvard business school. [Page Six]
  • Joseph Gordon-Levitt, unsurprisingly, wants more bike lanes in New York to ride his ultra-twee vintage Schwinn two-speed on, CUE REGINA SPEKTOR THX. [Page Six]
  • Frumpy schoolmarm Kate Upton helped some kids clean Fort Greene Park in Brooklyn. [ESPN Go]
  • Emma Stone looked lovely as she frolicked/celebrated Andrew Garfield's birthday with him on the beach, ahhh! [Us Weekly]
  • Hey, Americuh, here's your Dancing With The Stars promo shots. [NYDN]
  • January Jones held hands with her new boyfriend Noah Miller NEWS NEWS NEWS BIG NEWS! Not really. [NYDN]
  • Brad Pitt poses with firearm and leather for Killing Them Softly. Sounds hotter than it is. [HuffPo]
  • Katie Holmes is gonna get $400,000 a year from Tom Cruise to keep Suri in the lifestyle to which she's become accustomed (Gerber's Caviar). [Marie Claire UK]
  • Also, she did a "secret" play reading that sounds like it went well, but is not so secret, considering it is in Us Weekly. [Us Weekly]
  • Avril Lavigne's ring is a pear-shaped 14-carat diamond, Chad Kroeger says he feels like "the luckiest person alive," and I actually have nothing to say to this because can't people just be happy sometimes even if their music sucks? [Us Weekly]
  • Are Game Of Thrones' Kit Harington and Rose Leslie dating because they were in a restaurant together? Maybe? Probably not? BUT STILL. [TMZ]
  • If you were wondering, yes, Taylor Swift totally crashed that Kennedy wedding, says Kathie Lee Gifford. Wasn't wondering, but thanks for having my back, Gifz. [E! Online]
  • The fabbo nuptials of Rufus Wainwright and Jorn Weistbrot happened, and each guest was given a jar of local plum jam inscribed with "Rufus+Jorn's Hochzeit." Bless you. [Page Six]
  • Go take a $25,000 modeling class taught by Tyson Beckford if you hate that money and want it gone, but also hate hate HATE spending money on useful things. [TMZ]
  • Ryan Lochte played with a puppy. [VH1]

Share This Story

Get our newsletter


Ginger, get the popcorn!

Hey, Jezzies who know something about cycling and can also navigate this crazy new comments system (feel like that venn diagram might have one person in the overlap), do we believe Lance, or do we think he's just maintaining a facade?