Sheryl Crow Has a Brain Tumor, But Don't Worry—It's Benign

Illustration for article titled Sheryl Crow Has a Brain Tumor, But Don't Worry—It's Benign

Sheryl Crow knew something was off when she forgot the words to "Soak Up the Sun" at a Florida concert last month, but chalked it up to her [super-hot] old age: "I'm 50, what can I say? My brain's gone to shit." Well, turns out, Crow—a breast cancer survivor—actually has a benign brain tumor called meningioma, which affects the brain's protective lining. "The singer sounds casual, saying her doctor said not to worry about it, 'but it gives me a fit.'" When reached for comment, some actual crow was all, "CAW! CAWWWWW!" which I'm pretty sure means "Get well soon, Sheryl" in bird talk. [USA Today]

Illustration for article titled Sheryl Crow Has a Brain Tumor, But Don't Worry—It's Benign

Debra Messing has filed for divorce from her husband Daniel Zelman after nine and a half years of marriage. Apparently the pair has continued living together, along with their eight-year-old son Roman, despite being emotionally separated for the past two years or so. Anyway, Messing is ready to make it official. If you can think of any possible way to make this story funny or interesting, please leave it in the comments. [E!]

Illustration for article titled Sheryl Crow Has a Brain Tumor, But Don't Worry—It's Benign

Twenty-year-old Scout Willis has been charged with two misdemeanors for using a fake ID (name: "Katherine Kelly") and underagedly drinking a beer (type: "Pakistani"). Willis's lawyer is hoping to have the criminal charges squashed: "It would be outrageous to mar a person that's clearly going places—clearly seeking to have a career...with a criminal record." Crime advice: If you're a celebrity child who has appeared in one million tabloids and looks like a freakishly uncanny hybrid of two incredibly famous movie stars, and you're trying to pull off a fake ID, NEVER FORGET YOUR FALSE MUSTACHE. [People]

Illustration for article titled Sheryl Crow Has a Brain Tumor, But Don't Worry—It's Benign

Amanda Bynes, entitled nutbag, has officially been charged with a DUI, plus, allegedly, "[refusing] a peace officer's request to submit to and/or complete a chemical test to see how much-if any-substance was in her system." She'll be arraigned tomorrow morning. This afternoon, Bynes asked the President of the United States of Fucking America to please intervene, since he obviously isn't busy: "Hey @BarackObama...I don't drink. Please fire the cop who arrested me. I also don't hit and run. The end." [E!] [Twitter]

  • Since everyone knows that hot people can't be creepy, Halle Berry's ex Gabriel Aubry just went ahead and followed some lady into the bathroom to offer her the use of his sexual penis. The gasts of all bystanders were thoroughly flabbered. [Radar]
  • According to Noomi Rapace, entering the set of Prometheus was like "stepping into Narnia." This is because costar Michael Fassbender is secretly part goaty faun. [Just Jared]
  • After dropping out of her treatment program because she "just couldn't do it," Teen Mom's Amber Portwood is sentenced to five years in prison. [Yahoo!]
  • Evelyn Lozada, who apparently is something called a "Basketball Wife," wrote a letter to her seven-year-old self and then shared it exclusively with the Huffington Post (because her seven-year-old self has a time machine and loves aggregated cultural commentary): "You'll make no excuses for your actions, as a matter of fact, you'll find yourself in tears at the Ah-ha moment Star Jones forces you to have." [HuffPo]
  • Speaking of Star Jones (I'm sorry), Star Jones's ex-husband Al Reynolds is currently living at Sherri Shepherd's house. This story would be so much better if Star Jones's ex-husband was Mal Reynolds. [E!]
  • Billy the Exterminator has been arrested on suspicion of possessing "synthetic marijuana," which is a thing I have never heard of before, and I am familiar with HELLA THINGS. Anyway, hopefully his lawyer will be able to exterminate his guiltiness, or some fucking pun like that. [Yahoo!]
  • Steve Carell addressed Princeton's class of 2012: "You are young. And because of that, you are wrong." [Us]
  • Michael Jackson's daughter Paris spoke with Oprah about her father's death: "It never gets any easier." [Radar]
  • Here are some pictures of Christian Bale and Natalie Portman sitting in a car being good-looking. [ONTD]
  • Arty Farty threw a party. [E!]

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I am only hopefully going to say this once. It's far too painful to say over and over again today. However because it is such an important life altering soul sucking thing I tend to dwell on it.

Benign doesn't mean safe or good when it comes to brain tumors.

When I was 4 my mom was found to have a meningioma on the right side of her head just by her ear. It was the size of a ping pong ball and it was a BENIGN meningioma (everyone said this thank goodness it's benign not cancerous- yea).

We went (my dad, my mom, and my four siblings) to UCLA - the surgeons successfully removed the benign meningioma from my mom's head. This 4 year old cheered. It's benign.

Pathology report confirmed that the benign meningioma had no cancerous cell in it. JOY!

Summer of 1981 I'm about to turn 10, my mom pulls me into her bed and says "We need to talk." I think this has to be about my birthday party, my 10th was just a week away.

Do you remember when you were 4 and I passed out then I had to go have surgery?


Well, I have to have surgery again. The tumor is back.

Oh okay mommy. They'l just take it out again it'll be fine.

Ah, well. I need to let you know it's worse than last time. It's spread all over my brain and I may not survive the surgery.

What? No. What? Then don't have the surgery mommy.

If I don't have the surgery, if I don't let them try to remove it I'll die sooner. So we're gonna do this.

No, you can't die. Mom's don't die.

Mine did and your might. I'm gonna fight though. We're gonna fight. I hate to say this but we don't have a lot of time. The doctor wants to do the surgery on July 9th.

That's my birthday!

I know. I was there. I wish it was some other day but that's the day they have. I'm sorry.

It's okay mommy. My birthday I'll wish for you to get better.

I don't want you to see my when I wake up from surgery OK. I want you to fight everyone and stay home. I don't want you to be scared. I'm not gonna look good when I walk up. I'm not gonna be nice.

Ok mom. I'll stay home. I'll make them leave me at home.

July 9th Huntington Memorial Hospital 7am surgery started. 6pm surgery ended. I remember when the surgery who I referred to as an asshole for a long time out of childish rage came down to the waiting room and said they failed. They couldn't get the massive benign meningioma out of my mom's brain. It had invaded deep into her brain and calcified. Short of removing her brain they couldn't get more than 5% out of her head and in doing so they damaged several important nerves and areas of her brain. She was alive but for how long they couldn't say. Maybe a few days maybe a few months or even a year but not any longer than that.

I remember looking at the surgeons shoes. They had blood and some other stuff I didn't recognize on them. My mom's blood and bit of my mom's brain.

She woke up. I was forced by my dad and older siblings to be in the ICU with them when she did. My mom squinted to see. She saw me there and got angry. Her words were slurred, only half of her mouth opened. Only remember two things she said in that moment. She said "no" when she saw me and then she said "Water". The ICU nurse told her no water. She looked at my dad and said "water". He cried and said 'no'. She looked at every one of my siblings and said "water", they all said no to her except for my oldest brother. He burst into loud hysterical tears and ran out of the room. My 6 foot tall 23 yo older brother he crushed to the core at the sight of our mom and he's on his knees bawling in the hallway. Inconsolable.

For 2 and a half years after that day my mom fought every single fucking day to regain the ability to speak, to feed herself, to walk, to be pretty, to not be viewed as a droopy faced freak when once she had been a stunning beauty. And every day that my mom lived that FUCKING BENIGN BRAIN TUMOR LIVED!

It continued to grow every second that she lived. It continued destroying her memory, crushing her brain and mostly her ability to breath without having to think about it. Every single day my mom's head felt like it was going to explode and truly everyday because of the perfectly harmless benign brain tumor it was on the verge of exploding.

There's more but I gotta stop. Today.. this news about Sheryl Crow and this fucking harmless good benign meningioma that's in her head is just destroying me. Really destroying me.

35 fucking years my life has been destroyed by a fucking benign brain tumor that stole my mother from me.

Benign doesn't mean safe or good when it comes to brain tumors. It just doesn't.