Shamed Ex-Pastor Mark Driscoll Has Launched His Comeback Attempt

Illustration for article titled Shamed Ex-Pastor Mark Driscoll Has Launched His Comeback Attempt

Former megachurch pastor and douchebro for Jesus Mark Driscoll was forced to step down from his post at Seattle's Mars Hill Church this summer, after the church's board accused him of "ungodly and disqualifying behavior," including alleged abuse and bullying of church members. Now, because this is America, he's very quickly trying out a second act.

Warren Throckmorton of Patheos, one of the best chroniclers of Driscoll's antics, notices that Driscoll has launched a new website, (h/t Christian Nightmares). The site gently tippy-toes its way around The Recent Unpleasantness, describing him briefly as a "Jesus-following, mission-leading, church-serving, people-loving, Bible-preaching pastor," without mentioning that bit where his own church chased him out the door for being a real dick.

Driscoll also still lists himself as a founder of the Acts 29 Church Planting Network, the organization responsible for creating satellite Mars Hills across the country. That's accurate, we guess, but doesn't mention that he was also removed from his post with Acts 29 earlier this year. He's soliciting donations for a not-yet-actually-registed nonprofit. Keep those donations coming, so we can continue to hear Pastor Mark's important ruminations on how women are like gardens for the righteous man's penis.


Image via Mark Driscoll/Facebook

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Dear Ms./Mrs/Mr/Whatever Prefix Suits Your Fancy/ Merlan,

We have previously refrained from commenting about Jezebel's frequent criticisms of our organization, partially out of recognition that many of your criticisms are correct, and partly because just visiting your website lowers our manhood quotient by a not inconsiderable amount. However, by naming this human asswipe Mark Driscoll as one of us, you have made it impossibro for us to not speak up. We would like you to take back your connection of Mark Driscoll with douchebros, because connecting us with such a vile, awful, toot of a man is unconscionable slander.

We may be douchebros, but Mark Driscoll is a flaming pile of dog poop when contrasted compared to some of our more well known esteemed members such as of Chet Haze, Mark Wahlberg and Vanilla Ice. We don't think it's sinful for a woman not to want to have sex with us after all, we just don't understand why you wouldnt.

Have a pleasant day.


The League of Extraordinary Douchebros