Sexpert Question Hall Of Shame: The Breastfeeding Hijacker

Occasionally, even the most open-minded and sex-positive sexpert reads a question that leaves him – and his readers – speechless. This one, from a beleaguered new mom, was one:

Wrote a woman to Time Out New York’s latest “Get Naked” column,

In February, I gave birth to my daughter and immediately began breast-feeding. My husband’s interest in this quickly changed from curiosity to sexual stimulation. Now he charts feeding times, and prepares himself by getting naked with a lubricant and a towel so he can masturbate. At first I found this funny and oddly titillating, but now it seems creepy. I have tried to avoid him by locking myself in the bathroom (he banged on the door until I opened it) or feeding while having an elderly neighbor visit (he hid his crotch with a sofa pillow and jacked hard). When I tell him of my growing discomfort with this, he laughs. What can I do to let him know this is serious?

Well, we’d have thought that “locking yourself in the bathroom and summoning a chaperone” would have done the trick, but Time Out‘s Jamie Bufalino says that “hopefully, the realization that you actually felt the need to write in for advice about this will shake him into realizing that he’s being a total, irresponsible douche.” He suggests that she “tell him that I said he needs to grow up and start acting like a real father.”

To this we’d add, “therapy” and a sincere hope that the baby who is presumably present for all of this never, ever reads this and realizes her inadvertent role in her dad’s fetishization of her care and complete disregard for her mother’s feelings. (Never mind that poor, elderly neighbor.) Oh, and while we’re at it: throw that sofa pillow in the wash.