Sex With Someone Else's Ex: Ever Eat Off Your Friend's Plate?

Illustration for article titled Sex With Someone Else's Ex: Ever Eat Off Your Friend's Plate?

Women always say that there is one line they won't ever cross — sexing up a friend's ex-whatever. But, many of us here are honest enough (possibly because it's anonymous) to admit that it isn't always true. There are extenuating circumstances and grey areas galore (and sometimes you don't necessarily know who your friend has sexed up) and, in the end, sometimes hormones and even actual emotions for a guy might trump the "girl code" (as my friends and I call it). I explore the grey (and you can take a poll!) after the jump.


So, the unofficial girl code says that you shouldn't fuck a friend's ex, but what counts as an ex? Do they have to have dated for a period of time? Had sex? Is it when she's still emotionally attached, even if she's attached because they had 2 dates 3 years ago? What's the statute of limitations on it? How do you even broach the subject?

The only time I trod in a friend's, uh, footsteps was back in college. I'd gone out on a few dates (and slept with) a guy and, when I told my friend over the phone about it, she admitted to me that she'd slept with him the previous semester. I was a little squicked about it, and annoyed that he knew that she and I were friends and hadn't mentioned it. More recently, someone that I had slept with (once, in secret) asked my best friend out. They were infinitely more suited to one another than he and I were and there were no hurt feelings but, recalling my college experience, I told her about it while still encouraging her to go out with him. She asked if he was any good, I cited no complaints, but she declined to date him in the end because I'd slept with him and that violated "the code."

Guys, on the other hand, seem to have a much easier time of this. The guy code seems to be that there's no limits in the case of sex-only relationships, and 6 months, at the outside, if it's an ex-girlfriend of some duration. So, to help us get that kind of consensus, I present to you a poll:

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My college roommate was one of those girls that guys totally loved. That's great for the old self-esteem. We had a shared class with this jock one semester and they would totally flirt with each other, but nothing ever came of it. She had a lot of other guys on her plate at the time. The following semester, I ended up hooking up with him at a party and she FREAKED OUT. Heh heh. I still think it's hilarious that the one time I actually got a not-even-leftover, she couldn't be happy for me.