Serious opinion leader Joel Stein uses his mantle at the LA Times to advance a proposal to abolish Halloween and replace it with a more warmer-climed celebration of getting drunk while wearing fishnet stockings, "Slut Day." "In addition to fixing the Halloween problem," he writes, "Slut Day also can replace the 'Pimps N Hos' parties scattered across the calendar, which are racist and sexist, with an event that is only sexist. That's a 50% reduction in offensiveness." Then he describes "Slutoween" as a celebration of unbridled, shamelessly tacky and cartoonishly conventional standards of American hotness, with a lot of participation from Tila Tequila and the Pussycat Dolls and "whoever Brandon Davis is dating" at the moment, and you're like, um, Joel, I think you're describing what the average person with a Myspace URL would describe as "The Human Condition." [LA Times]



I tend to see him on all those talking head VH1 shows, like "Hollywood's Buffest Bods" or "Paris's Most Outrageous," where all the commenters say stuff like, "Yeah, I just look at Brad Pitt, and I'm like, 'Wow'".

And I think, I could do that. I could get paid money just to go on tv and say stupid, obvious, irrelevant shit. How can I become Joel Stein?