September Smackdown: Harper's Bazaar Vs. W

Illustration for article titled September Smackdown: Harper's Bazaar Vs. W

Every year, we offer you up to the minute coverage of the competition between the beefed up September fashion magazines for the title of "most full of shit." In this year's second match, Harper's Bazaar goes up against W, with Intern Anna and I tallying up the priced merchandise in each magazine to determine which luxury ladymag is the champion of crass consumerism. Sadly, this round has been rocked by scandal: W has flouted the time-honored rules of the September Smackdown by not including prices for 85% of the featured merchandise. After the jump, we wrestle with questions of sportsmanship so epic they'll make you forget about some possibly underage gymnasts and declare our winner.

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Illustration for article titled September Smackdown: Harper's Bazaar Vs. W

Harper's Bazaar Apparel: $931,929 (most expensive item: Michael Kors coat, $85,000; least expensive: American Apparel tights $14; average price: $3,006) Accessories: $1,006,052 (most expensive item: LChopard necklace [in bizarre Tyra Banks as Michelle Obama shoot], $390,000; least expensive: Kenneth Jay Lane ring, $75; average price: $2313) Beauty: $445 (most expensive item: Euoko W-31 Extreme White Concentrate Ampoules [basically: skin whitener], $710; least expensive item: Pantene Pro-V Beautiful Lengths Shampoo, $3.99; average price: $64) Other: $355 (most expensive item: Elsa Peretti for Tiffany & Co. brush, $250; least expensive: Smithson of Bond Street notebook, $105; average price: $177.5 [there were only two "other" products in the mag]) Total Shit: $1,938,781 Average: $2,376

Illustration for article titled September Smackdown: Harper's Bazaar Vs. W

W Apparel: $40,318 (most expensive item: Michael Kors sequined silk organza sheath, $10,000; least expensive: Blumarine sequined silk tank top, $2,165; average price: $6,720) Accessories: $233,735 (most expensive item: Milus 18k rose gold and diamond watch with mother-of-pearl face, $91,000; least expensive: Anna Sheffield for Cole Haan sterling silver and coin bracelet, $295; average price: $6,678) Beauty: $1000 [W only listed the price of one beauty product, La Prairie's Cellular Cream Platinum Rare. The price is on the cover under the line "What Recession?"] Other: $10,875 (most expensive item: Kelly Wearstler one-of-kind brass and silver boxes adorned with crystals and semiprecious stones acquired by Wearstler during her travels, $3,950 to $6,500 [only seven boxes are in existence]; least expensive item: six-course lunch and dinner at the Biennale des Antiquaires in Paris, prepared by 10 top Paris chefs, starting price is $475 per person; average price: $3,625) Total Shit: $285, 928 Average: $6,354 Harper's Bazaar beat W soundly in Total Shit, but can Bazaar's unaffordable shit really stand up W, in which 85% of the items fall into the category "if you have to ask, you can't afford it?" Considering that the average W item costs three times as much as a Harper's Bazaar item, it's a safe bet that if W listed prices, it could have come out on top. But since we cannot condone such unsportsmanlike behavior, W is disqualified. Winner: Harper's Bazaar And don't forget our Expensive Shit(fight) contest, in which we'll give $200 to the charity of choice of whoever correctly guesses the total amount of shit in the September issues of the ladymags. Earlier: Shameless September Ladymags: Harper's Bazaar Vs. W

DISCUSSION

jillinoff-jackalopejumper
JillinOff_JackalopeJumper

Damn! Between the Photochop and lbs of makeup way to make a beautiful girl like Kate look like a fucking alien. EWH!