Senator Craig Has Never Been Gay, And Other Things That Make So Much Sense

  • Senator Craigslist says that not only is he not gay, he has never been gay, including when he was arrested three months ago and also back in 1982 when he had to deny he was gay on account of all the young boy Congressional pages he'd plied with drugs and alcohol and fucked, which very neatly explains, you see, why he plead guilty.
  • Fidel Castro, back writing editorials for his mouthpiece newspaper after being crucified last Friday by Pontius Perez Hilton, writes that a Hillary Clinton-Barack Obama ticket would be almost as "invincible" as him — and he's not exactly stoked.
  • Illiterate L.C. ex Jason Wahler afforded a 4-karat diamond rock for his barely-leagal honey. [TMZ]
  • The United States has a gun for every person and that's how come our crime is so low because weapons are deterrents against using them. […">USA Today]
  • Iran's crazypants leader Ahmadinejad is not only a great cook, he's prepared to (fill the Iraqi power) vacuum and also that jacket is so totally contraband American Apparel. (Ha ha, "contra")
  • The market sucked again. Time to invest in tent mortgage lenders!

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@Trixie from Toronto: Trust me, if Castro were not already dead or at least almost there, you would have seen him by now. He made no appearances on his recent birthday or on the anniversary of the "revolution" last month. And if homeboy loves anything, it's giving a speech.