Self-Help Book For Kids Is Least Helpful Book Ever

Does your five-year-old lack ambition and drive? Maybe she needs her very own self-help book, based on the Law of Attraction!

The publicity information for Michael King’s The Dreamz Friendz and the Magic Well says, “Recently made popular by the book The Secret, The Law of Attraction or LOA argues that thoughts (both conscious and unconscious) can affect things outside the head, not just through motivation, but by other means. […] By binding creativity, pictures, rhyme and substance, King found a kid friendly way to introduce LOA to our children.” Apparently the kid-friendly law of attraction involves a candy-Saturn.

It also involves a space angel and a dragon named Cragon.

Everything is real fucking friendz-ly in the Dreamz Friendz’ world. There is a lot of fun and singing, and also candy and soda (it seems like the Friendz may be heading for tooth decay). I kept waiting for something bad to happen. Like when the kids/angels/whatever heard a mysterious voice coming out of a well …

But it was just this boring scroll, listing the tenets of the law of attraction. Note that they’re sort of watered-down, and there’s no mention of the more controversial aspects of the doctrine, like the idea that “the signal you are emitting through your thoughts and feelings” can actually attract tangible things like money.

Actually, I ended up wishing The Dreamz Friendz talked more about the crazier aspects of the law of attraction. Then at least it would’ve been entertaining. While it’s sad that Michael King thought kids needed a self-help book, in a way it’s even sadder that he thought they would enjoy a book with zero conflict, a whole bunch of pictures of candy, and a sappy moral. Sweet dreamzzzzz …