Scared To Give Birth? Uh, Don't Read This Story

Illustration for article titled Scared To Give Birth? Uh, Dont Read This Story

OMG a weird new disease affecting "one in six women" especially "history of depression" types so watch the fuck out Jezebel readers! Tokaphobia is the fear of something completely natural and timeless, and if our brain wasn't operating on, like, way too many of them right now we'd be drenching this post in drug references. Anyway! Tokophobic Jaqueline is totally normal, until she gets pregnant, at which point, about a trimester in, her fetuses turn into deranged demon aliens growing inside her womb trying to take control of her body. Sound familiar? So anyway, she aborts them. But they refuse to be defeated!

'I close my eyes and start to drift off and that's when they appear. Sometimes I hear them giggling from my cupboard or playing with Barbie at the end of my bed.' In the dream Jacqueline is happy, until she rushes to hug her children and finds them covered in blood. 'I tell them again and again, "I'm sorry Mummy wasn't brave enough to have you."'

Ok, the rest of this story is hard to read. It's all about women who have traumatic childhoods that are exacerbated by traumatic and painful childbirths and people equating childbirth with rape and violence and pretty much only serves to remind us why, despite our relentless hateration of our health care system, that drugs and C-sections exist. Also: suppressed memories. Which this story is very shortly about to become!

Hard Labor [Telegraph]

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Miss. Money-Sterling

Um, I'm like totally barren (my doctor keeps trying to explain what reproductive options I have and couldn't be less interested in hearing about it) and I still have nightmares about giving birth to weird hybrid/talking/evil demon babies. Those started, by the way, when I was about 8. I should also mention that my mom used to teach lamaze classes in our living room and for many years I thought that those filmstrips were something EVERYONE watched for fun... I love kids, but when I get some of my own I'm adopting them from the kennel. I also hereby volunteer to take the older ones, because I don't think I can be trusted to take care of anything that doesn't have a completely formed skull.