Santorum & Romney Lead Iowa Caucuses In Virtual Tie

Illustration for article titled Santorum & Romney Lead Iowa Caucuses In Virtual Tie

Unfortunately you're still going to need those nasty fecal froth jokes you cooked up. Rick Santorum finished first in the Iowa caucuses — by only five votes — following a sudden surge this week. With 99% of precincts reporting, Santorum and Mitt Romney both have 24.6% of the vote. Ron Paul was a close third at 21.5%, and here's the rest of the lineup: Gingrich (13.2%), Perry (10.3%), and Bachmann (5.0%). There's still no word on what delusional conspiracy theory Bachmann's cooked up to explain her loss.

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kyosuke
Kat Callahan

The Iowan GOP voters recognised that the Robo-Bachmann 2000 they were so excited about under the tree this year turned out to have poor battery life and scare their children with comments like, "I'LL ADOPT YOU" and "YOUR PARENTS ARE LIVING IN SIN."

They have returned the mechanical menace for the three doll set of Pennsylvania Dick (comes with extra sweater vests!), Mittens Romney (collect the whole family, Tagg and Matt available by easter), and Ronny Paul who reads obscure sections of the Constitution when you pull his string.