Jessica Biel did not attend the SNL afterparty with her husband Justin Timberlake,
throwing the planet off its axis and prompting rumors that the couple is officially on the rocks. Previously she was conspicuously absent from the American Music Awards, which riled up all the citizens of the world so much that she felt compelled to tweet the following: “I’m watching from home tonight. Calm down, Internet.”
Biel wasn’t at any rehearsals either, and Timberlake reportedly stayed at the party until 5
a.m. — but how did he hear the music over the buzzing about Jessica Biel’s
absence??? (There was much buzzing. “Everyone was buzzing about her
absence,” says a source, suspiciously being the first human in recorded
history to use the word “buzzing” as a synonym for gossiping). [Radar, images via Pacific Coast News]
Every culture has its own holiday traditions: in Holland, you leave out clogs so that St. Nicholas might fill them with candy. In other Alpine countries, Krampus the Christmas beast throws the bad children into a sack. In the sacred realm of Kardashian, you Instagram pictures of all the expensive baby crap that designers send to you. This is a delightful practice because nothing in the world is more compelling than a tiny expensive shoe. Thank you Kim. [Gossip Cop]
Mullingar, the town of origin for Niall Horan from One Direction, is putting the singing youth’s face upon their currency. Yeah, I know, we are all thinking it: ABOUT GODDAMN TIME. Okay, it’s not official currency, per se — it’s special tourist money called “the Gar” that was first minted in 2011 — but still, hahahahahahaha. (Previously, James Joyce appeared on the Gar but who cares about that guy. He never got his own 3D documentary, that’s for sure.) [Independent]
- Rachel Zoe gave birth to a son, whom she named Kaius Jagger. Sorry, but that is some Hunger Games shit. [E!]
- Lady Gaga and her boyfriend clasped their claws together in a gesture of love and affection. [E!]
- Everyone kept Googling Kerry Washington‘s wedding this year, as if Google were capable of peering through that shroud of impenetrable mystery. [HuffPo]
- Taylor Swift is going to EGOT one day and none of us can stop it. [Gossip Cop]
- Rita Ora has obtained a bedazzled and customized George Foreman grill. Sure, why not. [Just Jared]
- Lindsay Lohan is on Paris Hilton‘s naughty list this year. If that doesn’t get you in the holiday spirit, I don’t know what will. [ONTD]
- On the subject of holiday spirit, Rihanna Instagrammed a picture of her Festive Christmas Nails with the hashtag #lookslikeijustfingeredKesha, to which Ke$ha responded, “it was good for me.” PEACE ON EARTH, EVERYONE. [OK!]
- Kylie Jenner toooottaaaallly has a crush on Justin Bieber. And thus the Jenner sisters will continue to try and one-up each other with famous boyfriends until one of them is dating the Shroud of Turin and the other is dating the actual moon. [Pop Crush]
- Like a man handcuffed inside of a tank filled with piranhas, Hugh Jackman had attached his name to a musical about Houdini. But not anymore. He is out of there. [Billboard]
- ABC ran the original Sound of Music and its ratings were way worse than those of the Sound of Music Live! proving that hate-watching is a powerful thing. [The Wrap]