Roseanne Barr Announces She'll Be Your Next President

Illustration for article titled Roseanne Barr Announces She'll Be Your Next President

If you feel that the Republican debates aren't providing enough political car-crash entertainment for your liking, you can bet your sweet bippy that Roseanne Barr will shake things up – because she's filed the paperwork to run for president of the United States! Angling for a Green Party nomination, she promises to institute "Europeanstyle" single-payer health care and forgive all credit card and mortgage debt. "I am pleased to announce that I am seeking the Green Party's nomination for President of these United States of America," her announcement read. "The Democrats and Republicans have proven that they are servants-bought and paid for by the 1%-who are not doing what's in the best interest of the American people. As a long time supporter of the Green Party, I look forward to working with people who share my values. Behold the greening of America!" This is going to get good. [E!, Ministry Of Gossip]


Illustration for article titled Roseanne Barr Announces She'll Be Your Next President

There were rumors that she was knockin' boots with him before but now saucy sleuths have come out to say that Kim Kardashian and Mark Sanchez are at it again, despite the fact he's seeing someone. "Kim and Mark like to meet in hotels for dinner dates and flings," heavy breathed a source. "Whenever Kim is in New York, they hang out. They are very careful with not being seen together, Mark is seeing someone!" ¡Sucios! [Radar]

Illustration for article titled Roseanne Barr Announces She'll Be Your Next President

Christina Ricci is dating some grip she met on the set of Pan Am named James Heerdegen. Congrats to the happy couple and all that but what is most intriguing about this "exclusive" news from the folk over at US Weekly is how the post is total shout whisper marketing for Puerto Rico's W Retreat & Spa-Vieques Island. Showing the couple strolling W Beach™ they get all sweaty over the many activities that Ricci and her new man-friend get up to – including their couples massage at the hotel's Away spa™. Let's hope editorial enjoy their kickbacks. [US]

Illustration for article titled Roseanne Barr Announces She'll Be Your Next President

Remember that head they found under the Hollywood sign? Well, Maya Rudolph has a weird connection to the crime – the dog that dug it up was her friend's. She told Conan all about the trauma poor Ollie (that's the dog) had to go through, including an adorable ride in a patrol car and a few hours in the clink. "He likes balls – soccer balls … I think he's a digger. He was digging, and he came out all proud with this bag, and something fell out, and it was the head," she said. "Ollie's really been through some shit." [People]

Illustration for article titled Roseanne Barr Announces She'll Be Your Next President

Heads are exploding over in the UK after their two loves – the royals and Harry Potter – converged, with Pippa Middleton said to be head over British heels for George Percy, the heir to the castle that featured prominently in all of the Harry Potter films. They've been rumoured to have dated for a while, but the bitchy UK tabloids equate this with Pippa finally reaching her end game. "It was like a shark circling its bait," said some catty piece. "Some people think she has always set out to do this." Nice. [Daily Mail]

  • Fans of Zooey Deschanel will love her singing The Carpenters' "Yesterday Once More." Alternatively, those that dislike Zooey Deschanel will hate her singing The Carpenters' "Yesterday Once More." [Page Six]
  • She promises to exchange sex for gifts in Telaflora's Super Bowl ad, and now Adriana Lima is giving it her all for Kia's spot – where she waves a flag for five hours. It's slow motion but someone must have watched it the whole way through for any technical issues, right? Even the biggest perve must have found that tedious. [Ad Week]
  • People are pretty excited about his performance in The Artist but some are less thrilled about Jean Dujardin's posters for French film Les Infideles (translation: The Players), because it features him getting a blow-job by a faceless woman and other such subtle marketing ploys. [SMH]
  • Ru-roh! The American Prospect are sure to stir up some shit by calling Amy Poehler's Parks And Rec character Leslie Knope an anti-feminist cliché. Watch out Liz Lemon, they're coming for you next! [Prospect]
  • The Hunger Games was almost the little movie that wasn't after lead actress Jennifer Lawrence was hospitalized before shooting. [Express]
  • Kanye West is scouting locations in the Middle East for his latest "hybrid art film/music video." [Rolling Stone]
  • Work your fingers to the bone, peasants! Madonna says her $300 concert tickets are worth it. [Page Six]
  • Trying her best to get down with the kids, Madonna treated her Super Bowl crew to a massive batch of Papa Johns. [TMZ]
  • Christina Hendricks said she freaked out her now-husband Geoffrey Arend by telling him she wanted to start a family with him after just a few weeks of dating. That kind of confession rarely ends well – I think this makes it one for 56,387,789? [Page Six]
  • Single lads are in luck because Emma Roberts wants a boyfriend. Any boyfriend! [Page Six]
  • Her West Village neighbours are none too happy with Marisa Tomei after her water leak damaged their apartments. [NYDN]
  • Her biggest secret finally unveiled! Reese Witherspoon got bangs to cover a scar on her forehead. [US]
  • I don't know why, but its weird to see the new face behind the voice of Dora The Explorer in a worlds colliding kind of way. Though if Fatima Ptacek got a sharp bob she'd totally be Dora's real-life double. [People]
  • Olivia Wilde confirms that divorces are a fairly shitty ordeal all-round. [People]
  • Continuing with this morning's Presidential theme, Michelle Obama proved herself a pretty fierce competitor after challenging Ellen DeGeneres to a push-up duel and thoroughly beating her ass. [People]
  • It's great that the FBI have identified a suspect in the Taylor Armstrong death threat fiasco, but seeing as it was a Twitter user was it really all that hard? [Radar]
  • You'd never think it, but this image gallery confirms that Meryl Streep is a red-carpet strumpet. [Vulture]



Why shouldn't Christina Hendricks, or any woman for that matter, say to a dude she's dating that she could see having kids with him.

1. That's a total compliment. It translates as "I see this relationship going somewhere and I see you as a responsible man who I would trust to help raise my children and if we get more serious there may be some unprotected sex in our future." (Unless she said she wanted to start trying on the third date, but it was more likely "I'd love to have kids with you" or "You'd make a great father" which I've heard frequently on fourth or fifth dates and just taken as a really nice compliment.

2. If you sense that a relationship is heading somewhat seriously, you really want to figure out if you and the person your dating are on the same page as to the children thing down the line. If you know you want children eventually you don't want to wait until you are serious before finding out they don't want children. If you are someone who knows they don't want children you don't want to wait until things are serious to find out that the person you are dating really, really does want children.

3. It's pretty wimpy to just bail on a woman you are dating just because she brings up the kids thing in a positive way. Just be like "well, if things get serious we'll see" and give her a kiss. (Again, I doubt she was like "I've ovulating right now let's have unprotected sex tonight!"Any dude who gets scared off that easily doesn't deserve pussy in my humble opinion.

4. Christina Hendricks is 36. That's a point in a woman's life where if she does eventually want children she has to take that into account when choosing who she wants to date. So, bringing it up is not only a compliment, it's practical. Like, if the kid thing isn't going to happen she probably really doesn't want to date a guy for two or three years before realizing that. Ovaries have an expiration date.

5. They ended up married, so it clearly didn't freak him out that much.