Rick Perry Earnestly Discussed Pig Shit With a Couple of Russian Pranksters

Illustration for article titled Rick Perry Earnestly Discussed Pig Shit With a Couple of Russian Pranksters

Losing Dancing With the Stars contestant and grossly gullible Energy Secretary, Rick Perry, who has spoiled the allure of Clark Kent-style glasses for us all, was recently prank-phone-called and totally bought it, the Washington Post reported on Tuesday.


In a letter to the Washington Post, Department of Energy spokesperson Shaylyn Hynes explained that Perry “is the latest target of two Russian pranksters” Vladimir “Vovan” Kuznetsov an Alexei “Lexus” Stolyarov. One of the duo’s high-profile prank calls was to Elton John, during which they impersonated Putin and his spokesperson, and convinced the singer that the Russian President was dying to discuss gay rights with him.

In this case, Perry was tricked into believing he was speaking with Ukrainian Prime Minister Volodymyr Groysman—who he’d hosted three weeks prior, on June 20—through a translator. During the July 19 prank call, the two discussed a natural gas exploration in Ukraine, the possibility of a pipeline that would run across the Baltic sea, and US withdrawal from the Paris Climate accord, about which Perry said, “We tried to divorce the politics from this and really just let our record stand, one that I’m very proud of.” Throughout the twenty-two-minute conversation, Perry was very diplomatic, which for him means speaking very slowly and overusing power words like “expertise,” “important,” “partnership” and “strategy.”

Then the men got down to the exciting business: pig manure. According to the Pravda Report, the pranksters asked Perry what he thought of a statement the “Ukranian prime minister” made about a biofuel invented by Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko and made from a mixture of home-brewed alcohol and pig manure. Perry responded that he’ll need more information about the “scientific development” of the shit-brewed energy source before crafting his shit-brewed opinion on the matter. You can listen to the recording of the phone call here.

Looking forward to the precedent this chat will set for successfully prank-calling White House staff. It would seem the screening process is minimal.

contributing writer, nights



I’d rather have Katy Perry as head of energy department. Or Steve Perry. Or Richard the refrigerator Perry or even Fred Perry and I think he’s dead. Dig him up.