If there's one thing anyone who's in the public eye wants, it's to be sexually harassed on the job, and luckily for newscasters everywhere creepy-ass people are more than willing to lead the charge, including this restaurant owner who has been waiting a lifetime to make this awesome joke.
KCTV reporter Courtenay DeHoff, recently interviewed burger joint owner Joe Zwillenberg, who owns The Westport Flea Market, and is selling his burgers at rock bottom prices to celebrate the Royals' recent victories. All of his burgers, which regularly cost eight dollars, are discounted to three dollars to reflect the prices they would have been in 1985, the last time the Royals won the Superbowl. (I'm kidding! I know it's baseball, which is my favorite sport. Because you can eat garlic fries.) This is news that required a reporter on the scene! Breaking news! Someone get a fucking van out there immediately. These burgers could all be eaten by the time we get there!
DeHoff, who is clearly not at all really interested in the burgers, because it's not really the kind of thing one would win an award for, oohs and ahhs over the patties before telling Zwillenberg that she'd love to try one! Great! Get her on camera eating a burger and call it a day. No, wait! Make a sex joke instead! This is your time to shine, Joe Zwillenberg! Don't. Fucking. Blow. It.
You can see in the video above that Zwillenberg is so excited about his joke that he is literally about to burst, kind of like when my dad goes to a restaurant with a numbered menu and orders the #69 regardless of what it is. "I"m sorry to do this to you, man" he says to the waiter (regardless of gender. Everyone is "man" to my dad), "I need you to give me 69." Hilarious. Just like telling a reporter you can't wait to see "my meat in your mouth."
The cringe is palpable. No, really. Reach out and touch it with your fingers. Don't be shy.