In this piping hot exclusive (hell-oooo) from tonight’s episode of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Rebecca Bunch (Rachel Bloom) begrudgingly accepts her fate as a single woman and succumbs to society’s most pernicious stereotypes.

Having made the choice to consciously uncouple from Nathaniel (Scott Michael Foster) for good, Rebecca is now faced with the cruel reality of life alone. The only cure is cats—a “buttload” to be specific, procured at the Lonely Lady Cat Store, staffed by women who carry pictures of their cats in their wallets and patronized by women who wear their love of chocolate on their shirts. Joining in the chorus with a word of caution are the aforementioned cats—puppets that I don’t hate—who warn Rebecca that you know, cats are kind of rude and bad for people who are looking for a substitute partner, and hey, maybe she should just get a dog instead?

When has Rebecca ever listened to anyone other than the insistent shriek of her own id? Never!

Crazy Ex Girlfriend airs Fridays at 8/7c on The CW.